Renee's Adventure: Pumpkin inferno: In pursuit of pastry

I am sitting in my home, the taste and warmth of peach tea lingering in my mouth, listening to my Italian neighbour interrupt his Sardinian conversation to "talk back" to the birds in an attempt of their native tongue. I wonder if he sounds to them, like what children sound like when they pretend to know how to speak Chinese. Regardless, the birds are replying to him.

Today has been a great day. Actually, today has been a day. But my mindset has made it fantastic. Today started yesterday. So let me begin there.

I had a shift organised at the Docklands - having worked there Friday night too, I was not too keen on going back Saturday. Especially since I knew that there would be more forced conversation between myself and the boss, as I would be the only staff member there. Within 30 minutes, my neck felt stiff and incredibly sore, and this led to an intense feeling of nausea. My Irish manager noted this and asked if I needed to leave. I told him that despite having worked through a nasty steam burn at my previous job once on a busy night, I wasn't sure if I could hang around too much longer that day. Every step literally made me feel like throwing up. Luckily for me, Paddy had found a replacement and my shift was cut back to 3 hours. I regretted not working long enough to earn more money, but I knew I just had to lie down and sleep. I went home, made myself a bowl of serotonin producing baked chips, and had a nap. A 3 hour nap. I woke up at 7pm wondering if I should just sleep through. But decided to do some reading.

I had bought a book back a while ago called "Me Before You". I hadn't started it for at least 4 months after buying it. It was an impulse buy on my Kobo when I had a 80% discount voucher! I had started reading it the day before, and decided to keep reading it with the light of my candles going so that I didn't go straight back to bed. It is about a traditionally 'successful' man who works lots, has many relationships, travels and then becomes a quadraplegic, and the ensuing battle between him, his mother, and the main characters (his new carer) desire for him to live. Having just had a mini meltdown about what I was doing with my life, was I doing enough, was it the right decision, this book really brought my melodramatic thoughts to a stand still. I could make my own food. I could roll over in bed if I was uncomfortable. My every decision was up to me and me alone. What - really - did I possibly have to complain about? If things didn't go my way, it was on no one but myself. And here I was moping that I hadn't found a full time job in two weeks. This (albeit fictional) man would never be able to work again.

I got a message from my Mum on FB, and proceeded to voice my concern at disappointing her. I had been applying for jobs - I had been emailing people - I had been walking around random streets in the hope of seeing a "wanted" sign, or just something that caught my eye. I was not used to things "not happening" to me and was scared that I was doing something wrong. Or missing some sort of sign. Or not talking to the right people. What if this kept going? What if I didn't find anything? What was everyone else doing right that I wasn't? I was digging myself into a hole. I told Mum that I was such a wreck, because I didn't want to let her or Svend down. They had put so much time and effort (and finances) into this opportunity for me. And I felt like I had failed them by not having a job the second I drove into Melbourne. Mum responded by saying "Renee - if you are actively looking for work, and are aiming for full time work, that is enough. No one expected you to have a job straight away". Except me.

I wanted instant comfort. I wanted instant security. I wanted adventure, but I did not want uncertainty. I wanted everything to fall into my lap. I didn't want to continue to be persistently optimistic. I wanted life to be easy. I packed up and moved to Melbourne. That was a tough decision - but I did it. Didin't I deserve the rest to fall into place? Had my intense faith in my move not allow the rest to just 'happen".

No.

And then I read this.

"When the seed becomes a sprout it is going into something unknown. When the sprout starts growing flowers it is again a movement into the unknown. And when the fragrance leaves the flowers -- again, a quantum leap into the unknown. Life needs courage at each step." ~Osho

Life does not occur in the secure moments. Life does not happen when it is easy and comfortable. To live dangerously means to live. If you don’t live dangerously, you don’t live. Now this does not mean that I was going to go out and stand in traffic just to feel alive. But it also inspired me to "do" life. So I stopped and thought about what I wanted. And I wanted coffee. At 11pm. I decided to go for a walk. Perhaps to Lygon St. My roomie Renee reinforced that although there would certainly be places open, and Lygon St was well lit, perhaps I should take the more trafficked Blythe St to the intersection. I may be "living dangerously" but I am not naive. I rugged up, put on a beanie and went for a walk by myself. About 20 minutes later I found myself at a cafe called Gelobar. One of the few places I had been to on my first ever trip to Melbourne. The waiter there reminded me of a guy I had met in Verona and I instantly felt at ease. I ordered myself a latte (and a warm chocolate fondant!) and sat by myself under the picture of the owner with Andrea Bocelli. The coffee came and I sat in silence, just observing all the people around me who were oblivious to the fact that they were being people watched by a Brisbanite in the corner. I didn't go expecting a huge life revelation. Or to meet the man of my dreams. Or even to have someone offer me a job in the cafe. I went because at that time, that was how I was going to step into the unknown.

I walked home and called my brother who has recently graduated and staring down one of the toughest unknowns there is. Life after 17.5 years of studying. As usual, I had interrupted his game time, but being the incredible brother that he is, said that he could do both at once :) Thanks Dane. We had a chat about life and about fear, and then Dane admitted that he too, had some issues to overcome. I hope I am not outing you Dane, but it was funny for me to hear that my brother, so cool, calm and collected in his dealings with life, was also stuck with fear. I reminded myself that just because he didn't do the Italian thing of flailing his hands up and down the moment there was unrest, did not mean that internally he wasn't feeling distress. I told him that the following morning I had planned on going to a "flour market" to spend an hour lining up for bread, and let him get back to his game. I continued the walk home in silence. Hands shoved in the pockets of the jacket that Jess gave me (I am still not quite equipped enough for Melbourne weather!) I enjoyed the cold, dark walk home past the houses with magnolia trees about to bloom, and lemons lining the ground. Aaah Melbourne. I am home.

So I got home, continued reading more of my book until at about 2am. I then realised that if I wanted to get up at 8 to make it to the "Flour Market" before it got too crazy I would only be getting a few hours sleep. So I went to go to sleep but then ended up reading an article by the wife of Dr. David Katz for her new soon to be blog - Cuisinicty. She made a comment about creating recipes for food that people would love, for food that would love them back, and it gave me a little inspiration for where I want to go career-wise. Stay tuned!

So despite my best intentions, I didn't get to the Flour Market (basically an upper class bake sale) until 9.24. I had planned on being there at around 9 but missed my tram by about 1 minute (I took a wrong turn and ended up going to the stop before the one I usually get - which would have meant that I could have made it but oh well!) so instead got to stand in the middle of the road at the tram stop, soaking up the sun for the next 20 minutes.

When I got there, the line was already a few hundred metres long. And I may be UNDERestimating! I luckily had brought my Kobo so continued reading (and finished) my book. It took about 30 minutes until I got to the front of the queue - and then I looked back and realised that the line behind me was now just as long as when I had got there. I wondered if the people who arrived at 10am were even going to get anything! I got in and realised I had no idea where to go. Locals seemed to know which stall to go to, and which was worth queuing up for. I had no idea. It seemed like I just had to join a queue and hope for the best. It was dough or die.

I got in line and asked the girls in front if they knew who we were lining up from. Like me, they were not from Melbourne so weren't entirely sure. They were from Tassie. Then the girl behind me asked and I told her I had no idea because I was from Brisbane. And she said she was from Tassie too! We then bonded over how ridiculous our friends back home would think we were for lining up for pastries, and that made the following 20 minutes go much faster. To my astonishment (and excitement) I had inadvertently lined up for these beauties:

Raspberry, lychee and rose cronuts!

There were originially salted caramel ones, but by the time my spot in the line got to the front, they were all gone. It was so hectic, and the line so long, that 20 people from the front, a lady offered me $10 to buy her one as the end of the line was so far back. I told her ethically I couldn't do that, because that person who was currently at the end of the line might miss out because she jumped in. And I couldn't deny someone one of these!

As I walked home, content that I had managed to grab at least SOMETHING from the market before it all sold out (I heard that a lot of the people behind me missed out) I decided to stop for coffee at the Grub Food Van. It was so adorable, and the menu so creative, but I only grabbed a coffee as I had two delicious donuts in a bag waiting to be eaten.