The Story of How I was Assigned a F**k Buddy (but said "ahhhh...no").

Looking back over the past few weeks, it is incredible to realise how quickly and easily things have fallen into place to me. This way of life is, luckily, not something that is abnormal to me. When I find myself in the flow of life without constantly trying to dig my heels into the ground, things usually flow easily (and fast).

Take this journey to Melbourne. The opportunity came up to go on a harvest trail. Previously I had turned the idea down as it would be "logistically too hard". This time however, I thought "why not?" and proceeded to do one thing at a time to make it happen. Yes it was complicated and there were a lot of things to consider: rent/petrol/change of address/phone reception/letters of resignation/potential career pitfalls/organising 'life' but I did them. One at a time - the only way that one CAN (although previously I would try and do 100 things at once and just give up, instead of doing 1 thing independently 100 times). I went with the "flow". I had no idea where I was going, but organised one place at a time. And when I got to Melbourne, I again had that little niggling voice saying "this is where you belong" and trusted it. Logically I could have very easily suppressed that voice, and drowned it in the "but what about...." or "how will I..." thoughts. I heard the little girl saying "this is what I want to do" and listened instead of putting the adult thoughts of "but I should...." on top. And it worked. I got here, and within a day had a house (although I put that off for a week because 'surely it can't be that easy') and found a job (which in hindsight was crap but it was something) and got a Myki card. Yay trams!

The one thing that has not fallen into my lap is a relationship. I have already made a solid group of friends and family who I can depend on, and for that I am so grateful. I came down here really only knowing 2 people (one of which has not been here since I moved as she was overseas) and am so grateful for the ease at which I feel like I have a support network already. But boys have alluded me, and for that I am actually really GRATEFUL. For the first time really ever, my life is incredibly full. I am not trying to "fill my life" so that I can trick the universe into thinking that I am now ready for a relationship. I am not even actively seeking it. Which is very unlike me! Of course I miss having hugs, but I have realised I don't need a "relationship" for that. Yesterday I went into Renee's room and asked for a hug and surprise surprise, she gave me one. So that problem is solved. Plus my new cousin Alex gives the best intense little person hugs (like the ones I used to get from Aunty Genia... something about cuddling someone of that height is just incredibly comforting!!!). So it is with great amusement (and laughter) that I relay the following story.

My delightful room mate Renee (side note... A guy came to deliver a parcel to our house for Renee and when I opened the door he said "hey Renee!" and I temporarily thought "HOW DO YOU KNOW ME!?!?!" and then realised.... Ha!) has had some interesting encounters on online dating. We have had quite a few conversations about this, and how to interact with guys. One in particular had caught her fancy, but she wasn't sure how to turn the banter into an actual meeting, and if she even should. So I took it on myself to "write a good life story" and sign up.

I admit that about 2 years ago, coming out of a long term relationship, I had signed up. Looking back, I can probably say that I just wanted to feel 'seen' and attractive after feeling neglected and used for so long. This type of interaction was safe, and ego boosting. But in this instance, I was not looking for anything like that. I had actually, that afternoon, exclaimed to Renee that I missed "going on dates" and the thrill of meeting a new person, getting dressed up, and trying somewhere new. So it was quite ironic that I did end up going on a "coffee date" that night! But more on that later.

I set up my profile, and realised that it was really not necessary, as I have, over my time in hospitality, picked up the ability to walk up to a random person and start a conversation which can lead to a coffee/movie/market date. But I needed to prove to Renee what was possible (and to be completely honest, wanted to see "how far I had come" in terms of needing to prove myself to others). I received quite a few messages, and filtered out anything with less than 3 words (yes, that is an actual feature on these website!) and heard from a nice actor called Tim who sparked an interesting discussion about "truth" that I had mentioned on my page. While sending messages back and forth with him, (and politely working out how to reject other people who, although surely sweet, were not my type) I received the most laughter inducing message I had received, well, ever.

I laughed so hard that my roomie had to ask what was going on.... from the other room. I ended up reading it out to her, with many gasps and "nooooooo" coming from her. 

Sums up Renee's reaction. Doesn't help that Renee runs a strongly pro-feminism start up......

I would love to copy and paste the message, but it really is not blog appropriate. But in summary, this guy thought I was "obviously cute" and since coming out of a serious relationship, wanted 1 cool chickwhose "toy" he could be. He said that I seemed kind of cool and he would be "up for it" whenever I wanted, and that I could just tell him what to do (mind you, he did provide many examples of what those things could be should I accept). This went on for longer than the length of some of my scientific abstracts, and ended with "100%.. serious.. just between us.. you have full control.. please dont get mad or yell at me.. i liked you, and just thought I'd see if you were interested at all.. if not.. thats totally fine".

 My reaction in gif format:

I will give him this - it was the loudest I had laughed since moving here. I appreciated his honesty at least. I contacted my "guide to life" Lisa and showed her the message. After the initial shock ("Do you think he is being serious?", I am pretty sure that this was how she reacted:

But her literal response was better:

"That's hilarious because it sounds like your life is playing out like a weird TV show.And everyone gets a personal f**k buddy just openly approach[ing] you when you move to Melbourne".

So there you have it. My life is a joke. A hilarious sitcom. And I love it that way. I am not taking myself too seriously, and worrying as much about "where I am going". I am focusing more on "where I am now" and it seems to be paying off.

So I ended up going to Brunetti's. Renee thought it was hilarious that I had never heard of this place because "its not just Melbourne, but internationally famous". Regardless, I made the spontaneous decision to meet Tim there at 9 for coffee (and this delectable semi-freddo which came in a bucket I could keep!!!). 

It was nice. He was a lovely person to talk to, and we had some very serious conversations about acknowledging our truth and bringing down barriers. It was refreshing finding that I felt no need to impress him, or rattle off all of my accolades. It was refreshing to find that I had finally arrived at a point in my life where I did not need to do the whole "look at me look at me - I am worthwhile!!!" thing. It also made me realise that I really needed to cancel the site. Although he was lovely, and most certainly a good companion for random "exploring Melbourne" outings, I am really enjoying my own company and kind of want to keep it that way. I like being able to go somewhere by myself and just take it all in. Without having to be distracted by someone else, or convince them I am interesting and lovable.

Renee did think it was hilarious about how quick I could turn a random message on a site into a date, and acknowledged that "I won at online dating". But that isn't really the goal is it. It isn't to attract the most people, or get the most people thinking about you. It is to find yourself and your own company attractive, and not need anyone else's opinion of you dictate how you feel about yourself.

So tonight, I am going to hang out with my three favourite girls in Melbourne, while watching Offspring, eating chocolate and relishing in the life that I have created myself. It may not be what I thought happiness would look like when I was a kid (dinner in a fancy restaurant overseas with my intelligent, handsome husband  while we discuss how many holiday houses in Europe we want to own), but with many more years and experiences under my belt, I realise that what I have right now - a group of wonderful friends, a personality that I am proud of, a job that I love, and a simple existence, is really all one needs to be truly happy.