In pursuit of pastry

I am sitting in my home, the taste and warmth of peach tea lingering in my mouth, listening to my Italian neighbour interrupt his Sardinian conversation to "talk back" to the birds in an attempt of their native tongue. I wonder if he sounds to them, like what children sound like when they pretend to know how to speak Chinese. Regardless, the birds are replying to him.

Today has been a great day. Actually, today has been a day. But my mindset has made it fantastic. Today started yesterday. So let me begin there.

I had a shift organised at the Docklands - having worked there Friday night too, I was not too keen on going back Saturday. Especially since I knew that there would be more forced conversation between myself and the boss, as I would be the only staff member there. Within 30 minutes, my neck felt stiff and incredibly sore, and this led to an intense feeling of nausea. My Irish manager noted this and asked if I needed to leave. I told him that despite having worked through a nasty steam burn at my previous job once on a busy night, I wasn't sure if I could hang around too much longer that day. Every step literally made me feel like throwing up. Luckily for me, Paddy had found a replacement and my shift was cut back to 3 hours. I regretted not working long enough to earn more money, but I knew I just had to lie down and sleep. I went home, made myself a bowl of serotonin producing baked chips, and had a nap. A 3 hour nap. I woke up at 7pm wondering if I should just sleep through. But decided to do some reading.

I had bought a book back a while ago called "Me Before You". I hadn't started it for at least 4 months after buying it. It was an impulse buy on my Kobo when I had a 80% discount voucher! I had started reading it the day before, and decided to keep reading it with the light of my candles going so that I didn't go straight back to bed. It is about  a traditionally 'successful' man who works lots, has many relationships, travels and then becomes a quadraplegic, and the ensuing battle between him, his mother, and the main characters (his new carer) desire for him to live. Having just had a mini meltdown about what I was doing with my life, was I doing enough, was it the right decision, this book really brought my melodramatic thoughts to a stand still. I could make my own food. I could roll over in bed if I was uncomfortable. My every decision was up to me and me alone. What - really - did I possibly have to complain about? If things didn't go my way, it was on no one but myself. And here I was moping that I hadn't found a full time job in two weeks. This (albeit fictional) man would never be able to work again.

I got a message from my Mum on FB, and proceeded to voice my concern at disappointing her. I had been applying for jobs - I had been emailing people - I had been walking around random streets in the hope of seeing a "wanted" sign, or just something that caught my eye. I was not used to things "not happening" to me and was scared that I was doing something wrong. Or missing some sort of sign. Or not talking to the right people. What if this kept going? What if I didn't find anything? What was everyone else doing right that I wasn't? I was digging myself into a hole. I told Mum that I was such a wreck, because I didn't want to let her or Svend down. They had put so much time and effort (and finances) into this opportunity for me. And I felt like I had failed them by not having a job the second I drove into Melbourne. Mum responded by saying "Renee - if you are actively looking for work, and are aiming for full time work, that is enough. No one expected you to have a job straight away". Except me.

I wanted instant comfort. I wanted instant security. I wanted adventure, but I did not want uncertainty. I wanted everything to fall into my lap. I didn't want to continue to be persistently optimistic. I wanted life to be easy. I packed up and moved to Melbourne. That was a tough decision - but I did it. Didin't I deserve the rest to fall into place? Had my intense faith in my move not allow the rest to just 'happen".

No.

And then I read this.


"When the seed becomes a sprout it is going into something unknown. When the sprout starts growing flowers it is again a movement into the unknown. And when the fragrance leaves the flowers -- again, a quantum leap into the unknown. Life needs courage at each step." ~Osho


Life does not occur in the secure moments. Life does not happen when it is easy and comfortable. To live dangerously means to live. If you don’t live dangerously, you don’t live. Now this does not mean that I was going to go out and stand in traffic just to feel alive. But it also inspired me to "do" life. So I stopped and thought about what I wanted. And I wanted coffee. At 11pm. I decided to go for a walk. Perhaps to Lygon St. My roomie Renee reinforced that although there would certainly be places open, and Lygon St was well lit, perhaps I should take the more trafficked Blythe St to the intersection. I may be "living dangerously" but I am not naive. I rugged up, put on a beanie and went for a walk by myself. About 20 minutes later I found myself at a cafe called Gelobar. One of the few places I had been to on my first ever trip to Melbourne. The waiter there reminded me of a guy I had met in Verona and I instantly felt at ease. I ordered myself a latte (and a warm chocolate fondant!) and sat by myself under the picture of the owner with Andrea Bocelli. The coffee came and I sat in silence, just observing all the people around me who were oblivious to the fact that they were being people watched by a Brisbanite in the corner. I didn't go expecting a huge life revelation. Or to meet the man of my dreams. Or even to have someone offer me a job in the cafe. I went because at that time, that was how I was going to step into the unknown.

I walked home and called my brother who has recently graduated and staring down one of the toughest unknowns there is. Life after 17.5 years of studying. As usual, I had interrupted his game time, but being the incredible brother that he is, said that he could do both at once :) Thanks Dane. We had a chat about life and about fear, and then Dane admitted that he too, had some issues to overcome. I hope I am not outing you Dane, but it was funny for me to hear that my brother, so cool, calm and collected in his dealings with life, was also stuck with fear. I reminded myself that just because he didn't do the Italian thing of flailing his hands up and down the moment there was unrest, did not mean that internally he wasn't feeling distress. I told him that the following morning I had planned on going to a "flour market" to spend an hour lining up for bread, and let him get back to his game. I continued the walk home in silence. Hands shoved in the pockets of the jacket that Jess gave me (I am still not quite equipped enough for Melbourne weather!) I enjoyed the cold, dark walk home past the houses with magnolia trees about to bloom, and lemons lining the ground. Aaah Melbourne. I am home.


So I got home, continued reading more of my book until at about 2am. I then realised that if I wanted to get up at 8 to make it to the "Flour Market" before it got too crazy I would only be getting a few hours sleep. So I went to go to sleep but then ended up reading an article by the wife of Dr. David Katz for her new soon to be blog - Cuisinicty. She made a comment about creating recipes for food that people would love, for food that would love them back, and it gave me a little inspiration for where I want to go career-wise. Stay tuned!



So despite my best intentions, I didn't get to the Flour Market (basically an upper class bake sale) until 9.24. I had planned on being there at around 9 but missed my tram by about 1 minute (I took a wrong turn and ended up going to the stop before the one I usually get - which would have meant that I could have made it but oh well!) so instead got to stand in the middle of the road at the tram stop, soaking up the sun for the next 20 minutes.

When I got there, the line was already a few hundred metres long. And I may be UNDERestimating! I luckily had brought my Kobo so continued reading (and finished) my book. It took about 30 minutes until I got to the front of the queue - and then I looked back and realised that the line behind me was now just as long as when I had got there. I wondered if the people who arrived at 10am were even going to get anything! I got in and realised I had no idea where to go. Locals seemed to know which stall to go to, and which was worth queuing up for. I had no idea. It seemed like I just had to join a queue and hope for the best. It was dough or die.

I got in line and asked the girls in front if they knew who we were lining up from. Like me, they were not from Melbourne so weren't entirely sure. They were from Tassie. Then the girl behind me asked and I told her I had no idea because I was from Brisbane. And she said she was from Tassie too! We then bonded over how ridiculous our friends back home would think we were for lining up for pastries, and that made the following 20 minutes go much faster. To my astonishment (and excitement) I had inadvertently lined up for these beauties:

Raspberry, lychee and rose cronuts!

 There were originially salted caramel ones, but by the time my spot in the line got to the front, they were all gone. It was so hectic, and the line so long, that 20 people from the front, a lady offered me $10 to buy her one as the end of the line was so far back. I told her ethically I couldn't do that, because that person who was currently at the end of the line might miss out because she jumped in. And I couldn't deny someone one of these!

As I walked home, content that I had managed to grab at least SOMETHING from the market before it all sold out (I heard that a lot of the people behind me missed out) I decided to stop for coffee at the Grub Food Van. It was so adorable, and the menu so creative, but I only grabbed a coffee as I had two delicious donuts in a bag waiting to be eaten.

I needed a coffee at Grub Van Cafe to recover from my line waiting.

And to top it off, the sun has been shining all day - even when waiting for the tram!

 I got home, and decided to relish the sun out on Steph's balcony. I could get used to this.....

The perfect lunch. Honeydew Green tea and donut!

Welcome HOME Renee(s)!

I have a home. Well, not technically or officially (Real Estate are yet to 'officially' approve me as my boss has gone AWOL) but I have a bed. A roof (and a sun roof!). And a happy place to wake up. And I found it on my first full day in Melbourne. Go figure!

I wish I were as cool as this box man. At least I know someone is patroling the street on which I live day and night.

Today I still have a few unsorted boxes in my room, but all in all, I have "moved in". My button rainbow is above my bed and I feel like I have truly settled in....

I love waking up underneath a rainbow everyday - especially since the grey miserable weather in Melbourne is hardly ever compensated for with this kind of apology note from Mother Nature.

Considering that I had spent most of yesterday in my room unpacking/settling/sleeping or at my soon to be ex-job, I thought I would go for a wander and suss out the area in which I live. I headed west to Lygon St and walked up the street - being pleasantly surprised that one of the few places I had actually gone into to ask about a job was RIGHT HERE. Naturally, I avoided it and went next door for coffee. The place reminded me of the kind of dining room my grandmother would have. Retro green leather couches lined the left wall, and the lack of official counter as such had me a little thrown off. Although this concept then led me into an interesting philosophical discussion with myself and my diary about our need in society to understand the 'procedure' for doing this, and how to 'appropriately' behave in places. I realised of course, that it was probably only someone as thought-crazy as me who would use the lack of a bench as an excuse for a 30 minute musing on society but meh, that is me. I enjoyed my time with my diary, and having the chance to stop distracting myself for the first time in probably a week. I got to be there. With myself. By myself. For myself. And it was liberating. I didn't need a book to drag me away from my current reality, I didn't need my phone to read up on the latest "top 15 Hawaiian foods you need to eat right now" (although I did just read their article on why Danish Princess Mary is the most perfect lady ever. Represent.) and I didn't need to awkwardly make conversation with the barista because I needed to show him that I wasn't just some weirdo who had no friends or nothing to do.

I had a little moment with the universe and decided that it was time to leave. I paid for my coffee, went outside, and walked into the next establishment.... East Elevation (yes, I plan to try every cafe on Brunswick St). I went in and said hello to the man at the door. I asked if he was Brian, which of course he was. Brian has received a few emails and answered a call from me in regards to working at his joint, so I just wanted to give him a face to the (persistant) name. I had intended on just having a coffee, and writing more in my journal while being surrounded by random sprouting plants, vines growing on the roof beams and the chocolate factory behind the glass wall. However, the allure of food was too much - especially when the menu had items like coconut and rhubarb tapioca, and cauliflower and coconut soup.... And after my coffee arrived, I made the snap decision to order a brunch as well. Because, well, research right? I am wanting to open my own place eventually and I need to start accumulating inspiration yeah?

Proof that I am a very impulsive person (but that it totally pays off)!

As I sat there (annoyed at myself for being "one of those people" that cannot just enjoy the moment by myself but having to capture it..... I forgave myself by using the #mealforameal so at least my annoying customer syndrome would have some sort of social benefit) I got excited. 

I. Love. Food.

The smell. The temperature. The aesthetics. The flavour. The mouthfeel. The nutrition! It just made me so grateful to be exactly where I was. The coconut and cauliflower soup was delicious and had deliciously toasted almond slivers on top to breakup the otherwise monotone soup. And the pumpkin bread was topped with the most incredible watercress salad. And the dressing was the perfect combination of salt and acidity. And even just the addition of the slices of radish to give it that extra colour, and the slices of fennel to aid my digestion (I am sure that wasnt the intention, but I used it!). It is just food but it is also so much more. It really is such a gateway to the spiritual side of life. Let me explain. When you nourish your body with the foods that resonate well with your body, you are able to focus on the other areas of your life, as your physical concerns are not taking up all your thoughts. When you listen to how your body reacts to foods, you are giving yourself a chance to listen to whether your body is handling things or not. Is your digestion sluggish? Is it due to the foods you are eating, or is there an emotional cause to this phenomenon? Are you eating foods based on what your body needs for the longterm, or for instant gratification? I ate this meal purely for enjoyment. It was able to draw me back into myself as I got to experience all the wonderful reactions my body had to the food. The way that the soup felt going down my throat. The way that the pumpkin bread nourished and filled me. I was brought into a feeling of gratitude to the chef for preparing such a delicious meal. And the delivery guy who brought the ingredients. And the farmer who grew the cauliflower who made my soup. The food brought me back to that moment. And for goodness sake, I am in Melbourne!!!! I had previously been noting in my diary my concern for my future (a pointless endeavour I realise). What if I couldn't do it. What if I was still nowhere in 5 years time. What if I didn't meet the right people. What if I didn't live up to my potential? And then I realised - I made it to Melbourne. 3 weeks prior, when I was just a visitor I expressed these same concerns to my cousin Jess. What if I get home and get stuck? What if it is too much hassle to move down here? What if I can't do it? What if I can't find a house? But I pulled myself together and took one step at a time. I packed one bag. I took a photo of 1 item to sell. I gave away 1 bottle of vodka (well, Lisa actually got 2!). I took one step in front of another (sometimes to the side) but I was moving. And in a direction that would get me to Melbourne. And then I realised, that is exactly what I am doing now. I have a goal. I am taking one step at a time. And if it takes 3 months or 5 years, I am on the path to a life I want to lead. And the journey is really all that matters - so why should it matter how long that journey takes, right?

Speaking of long journeys, the journey to getting a bed was mighty long too. It required 3 trips to Ikea mainly because I was naivestupid and cancelled my van hire because despite having driven a van for the past 2 months "driving a van on a busy road is scary". So I arrived at the warehouse to the biggest collection of boxes in the waiting area. "All mine? Why thanks!!!". I thank goodness had some lovely people helping me (the joys of being single and female mean that other guys take pity on you!) and it all got home. And assembled. And I only have 1 screw left over that I just couldn't get in where it was meant to go. I take that as a win.

Yeah - maybe cancelling the truck hire was a bad idea.

Especially since driving at a 45 degree angle is hard.

Well I guess I ripped you open Ikea box so ripping my finger open was only fair.

But - tonight I get to go to Alex's house (My long lost cousin who now lives only 8 minutes away) for tea, takeout and talking (and Offspring). I have perhaps only been in Melbourne for a week, but I finally feel, for the first time in over 5 years, that I am HOME.

No phone... No clue

Well. Today was interesting. Not sure where to start - but lets begin at the top.

Jess has recently started a very coveted job as a bartender at Vue De Monde. My complete ignorance to the prestige associated with fine dining became apparent when i didn't gush along with everyone else when she got the position. In my 6 days in Melbourne though, I have quickly learnt that Vue De Monde is actually a "thing". So - Jess got home at around 5.30am, and since I am sleeping in her bed, and possess her keys, got to wake up to let her in. While she had been at work, I had had a trial at a pub down in the Docklands ("no one goes to the Docklands... at all" - some delightful IT Pommie had told me only a day earlier.... thanks mate, but its my only job thus far.... dont knock it until Ive been there!!!) and it had gone seemingly well. It was quite quiet (love the English language) as it was a Thursday, and the only thing that really drew people down that way was the Footy Show which is recorded just around the corner. I was in and out in 3 hours. No big deal for me - I wasn't planning anything exciting anyways! And I got a free pint of 150 Lashes and a MASSIVE chicken parmi!

So Jess came home late and we discussed the job. It was mine if I wanted it, and there was potential for FT work. Lord knows they needed me.... none of the other staff could make coffee (mind you, even being from Brisbane, I tried their beans and couldnt even finish the sip it was so bad!!!), they all standed around and gossiped instead of finding things to clean etc, and I was great with the customers. Also, I needed the job. Although I had only been in Melbourne 5 days and really had no reason to feel anxious, I was also acutely aware of how much I was relying on my family to have my back financially. I wanted to have my own back. The pay was, well, more than I earnt at Big W when I was 14, but did not include super or annual leave etc. However, it was more than I would be earning sitting at home. So although Jess was mortified and told me that he "was taking the piss out of me" I agreed to go in for a shift today at 5pm. Which would apparently be far busier as the fireworks are on each Friday during winter.

After driving through Brunswick East and dropping off my resume at 2 specially picked cafes (despite having emailed the bosses the day before, I seemed to have arrived JUST as they were in meetings or had just stepped out!) I raced home, woke up Jess, had lunch and then headed to work. Patrick, the delightful Irish "manager" as such said I get a free feed, so could come in 45mins early and pick something up before I started. I craved a "salad" but was then given a caesar salad. I should have got a parmi! I started a bit early because, well, first impressions, and was hounded right from the get go. The fireworks were cancelled due to the fact that a group of people on the Malaysia Airlines flight were on their way to a conference nearby Docklands in regards to AIDS research, or something of the like. So it was in respect to them.... or something... that they were cancelled. Despite that, the place was packed. And I was happy as there is nothing worse than going to work and being sent home after only 2 hours because it is too quiet.

There was a group of guys in for their mates birthday - an IT business owner. He was a lovely guy with a boyish face. He was very sweet to me, but instead of paying his order with cash, another guy said to put it on his tab. Now I am just getting used to their operating system, and know by now that once I have put an order under a table, you can't just change the table. Well, you can, but I had no idea how. The boss walked past and I thought "great, you can quickly fix this". Nope. Wrong. So so wrong.

I knew where I had made a mistake - however it was not a mistake, as the circumstances of the sale changed halfway through. If I had known the charge was going onto the tab right from the get go, I could have worked it out. But instead of listening to me, my boss decided to berate me. Horrifically. In front of the group of customers I had so happily been serving. It was a simple measure to alter the docket, but I simply did not have the managerial logins to do what needed to be done. The poor customers watched in horror as my new boss attempted to talk down to me, and make fun of me in front of the customers. If that wasnt bad enough, as I tried to pour the drinks, he started abusing me for "not watching what he was doing instead" - which I had just told him I would have done HAD THE CIRCUMSTANCES BEEN DIFFERENT!

I am ever a professional, so bit my tongue. But the look of shock on the customers face proved to me that the way he spoke to me in front of them did more damage to his business than a simple misunderstanding with the new bartender did. To prove this, the birthday boy kept apologising for putting me in this situation (soooo not his fault!) and the older gentleman who had the tab came past and gave me a $10 tip - and offered to buy me a pink cocktail later! I am happy to be 'told' if I have made a mistake - however do not accept being humiliated when 1. I have done nothing actively wrong, 2. I am NEW and 3. Instead of talking in private, it is done in a way to boost his own ego, as if "he needs to do it all himself".

So I walked away, cleaned some glasses, and came back to the bar smiling. He will not have power over my emotions. No Sir. The other girls completely backed me up - they were all English and Irish, and said he was the same to all of them so not to take it personally. Even Patrick apologised for him - but I said that wasn't necessary. He will suffer the consequences when he has no staff to fill in the shifts for him. I finished my shift and grabbed my pint of cider (MUCH deserved!). I started talking to the guy with the tab who gave me the tip, and after much discussing of overseas travel, found out his BROTHER lived in my home town. Well, worked in Murwillumbah but lived in Uki. Unbelieveable.

I decided shortly after to go for the tram. I am moving tomorrow and really needed sleep. As I walked out, the birthday boy followed me. I hadnt spoken to him much after I finished, so thought he just wanted to say goodbye or something. Instead he walked with me towards the tram. I suppose I should take it as a compliment that the first thing he said to me was "I have a girlfriend, so don't worry, I am not trying to hit on you". Instead, what he offered was much better than a number. He was so appalled by the way this boss had spoken to me, that he wanted to find me a new job. Being a very successful IT guy meant he had a lot of accounts at a lot of bars and restaurants, that he frequently visited with clients. A lot of his IT friends also had bars too. We chatted, and he asked for my email/number so that he could pass it onto his contacts in the industry, and hopefully get me something else, as he hated the idea of me agreeing to go back again after the way he spoke to me. We had a lovely chat, and then his girlfriend came so he had to go! Bye random friend ;)

I jumped on the next tram and texted some friends while reading my Kobo, until my phone died. At which point, I focused on my book. I kept an eye on the number stop I was supposed to get off at, and where we were. Stop 18. Huh. I think this is mine. I got up and as the tram pulled to a stop, realised my mistake. I had looked at the stops for 75 not the 70 line that I was on. I should have just stayed on but it felt like the whole tram was watching me, so I got off, thanked the driver, and then stood in the middle of nowhere with no Google Earth to help me get my bearings, and thought, well shit. So, I thought I was about 4 stops early from where I wanted to go, so headed up the street. I noticed the next stop was 29, and I had just got off at 18, and then I remembered. I got on at stop 11.

By this stage, the half litre of cider was working its way out of my stomach and into my bladder, and my bladder is not that big. So I was already struggling. But now I realised that I was a very very very long way from anything that I knew. Luckily, an opposing tram came and was the same number. I quickly realised I had to go back a few stops, so jumped on (also, my card had apparently run out of money, so I THANK GOD had an old invalid concession card myki which still had $7 on it!!!) and headed back. I thankfully found my way at the RIGHT station, but being the weirdo that I am, decided to stop past the 7-11 (in my 2 shirts, jumper jacket and thermals) and buy myself a Golden Gaytime. Because I needed a bit of Gayness now that it had taken me well over an hour to get home!

Which leads me to know. Cold(er since I had the icecream), sitting in the living room for my last night as a Richmond nomad, full of hope (and battery!) for the future, and possessing a happy empty bladder. Life is good right?

Where the business cards are really cabbages in disguise

So i have arrived in Melbourne (and my eyboard [ugh] is still broen).

A quote that i have had to remind myself of over and over since coming down is this:

"Everything i've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile... initially scared me to death".

And that about sums up where i am at right now. Calm but terrified.... but certain that i am in the right place to continue my life. I will only live the life that I create for myself. The perfect life will not just "happen" to me. And with that - i intend to create the life that i desire.

I won't go as far to say that this trip was inspired by Star Wars, but he makes a point.

So where do we start. Having lived in a van for months prior to moving - (- will now replace my unuseable comma) i was not ready to sleep on a couch (or force Jess to share her bed!) for too long. The first thing i did upon arrival (apart from contact my family to let them know that I was alive) was sleep. But the NEXT day I started my quest for somewhere to live. I came across two ads that jumped out at me and contact both of them to organise a meeting. One in Brunswick East with two lovely "socially and environmentally aware" girls in Brunswick East, and another in Abbotsford with a Pommy IT guy and 2 Canadian travellers. Although the rent for this second place was faaaaar out of my price range, the Pom's ad write up reminded me of my dear old friend Nic and I just HAD to meet him!

I had the chance to meet the girls a few hours after contacting them (and laughing at the potential hilarity that would ensue if we lived together, since one of the two was also called Renee), so finished my first Melbourne pour over (I went to Touchwood in Richmond by myself, and almost didnt get a seat it was so busy!) and then drove over to Brunswick with a car full of my life.

Now I admit to not being the best driver - there have been times where I have forgotten to do a head check  before changing lanes, and in one awkward scenario, drove through a red light, on the wrong side of the road, at night, without lights on (dont judge me). But Melbourne roads are insane. Suuuuuuure everything is on a grid and logically designed, but there are yellow lines on the road next to white ones, next to tram tracks, next to pedestrian islands, next to traffic lights where you have to turn right from the left lane while checking the opposite traffic, the traffic going straight AS WELL AS checking for trams both ways. All the while ensuring that when you do finally get the chance to go, the lights are still green. Needless to say, I am pretty sure on that 20min journey, I did numerous illegal u-turns, merged without indicating, probably pulled in front of a car or 2 without enough room between us and most likely drove through a red left turn light.

And still not a single ticket!

The house was in a great area though and really reminded me of Copenhagen with the town houses and the little balconies and everything being, well, cold. Luckily for me, it is only about 10 mins from my long lost cousin (more on her soon!). The girls were really great, love having Offspring sessions over tea, have a worm farm and are ok with me making a vertical garden. I think I can fit in here.

Upon telling my family about moving, my dear Aunty Gen reminded me that I have a cousin down here. I mean, she is my Mum's Aunts cousins daughter but she is still family!!! I had previously met her once when she visited from Griffith when we were about 10, but nonetheless we are family. That counts :) So I let her know I was moving down, and we organised to catch up. Since I still have hardly any idea of where I am or what tram to catch, she was lovely enough to come to Richmond so we could go to Touchwood and I could order the Danish Smørrebrød I had noticed on their menu when I ordered coffee.

And they spelt it right!

I waited for Alex at the train station, with a memory of a 10 year old with much cooler hair than me all I really had to go off. Waiting at the almost desserted train station, this chick with the most incredible cool hair walks down with a studded leather jacket and a "I am amazing and you should want to be friends with me" air. Which I did. It was incredible how I had met her once but instantly felt so comfortable around her! Perhaps she reminded me of my other amazing Melbourne cousin Jess who is so sure of herself that she doesn't need to do anything to impress anyone, and as such, ends up impressing everyone! We headed to Touchwood and, like true Italian cousins, talked and talked and talked. Like we hadn't basically just met for the first time! Lucky for me, Alex lives nearby (and can cook!). A part of me feels like I have cheated on this "difficult, angsty life move". Yes I packed up my life and moved almost 2000km away with no job or house, but in 2 days, I have made a bunch of potentially good friends, pretty much found a house, and can now work out where north is! We had a delicious lunch (she got waffles but I stuck to my other roots and got the smørrebrød with laks, celeriac remoulade and radish on really really dark rye.... mmmm mmm mmm). Alex welcomed me to Melbourne by shouting lunch and said that when I got a job, I could shout her. She gave me some great advice on applying for jobs and how to go about it, and I left feeling really motivated!

I have totally got this.

I got home, jumped under the covers (IT IS SO COLD!) and instantly started shooting off my resume left right and centre. A comment Alex made about "if they have their address or phone number, go in or give them a call" came to mind when a pub/hotel job came up. It was about a month old, but I thought I would try my luck. I rang the number and a lovely guy answered. We had a bit of a bitch and moan about the state of hospitality workers and after a lot of laughing and complaining, he offered me a trial. Without even having read my resume. Yay! He even made a joke when he left a voicemail on my phone later. I think this could be fun.

After organising all that, I had another room appointment with a guy named Andy. We met for $4 sushi (by which he meant 3 for $4 of the days dry leftovers) and I was a little concerned. I am not really a fan of cheap fish or old rice. We chatted about everything but the house and I found out that he has seen more of Australia than me, his mum write recipes for Jamie Oliver and he does improve comedy as well as being a champion ... dancer... of some sort. When I asked what it was (some sort of jive I believe?) he pulled me down a dark alley way (clearly you're warning system for slightly crazy have malfunctioned Renee!) and we danced. Ha ha! 

Anyways, Mum I am alive, I was not attacked or robbed in the alleyway, and Jess and I are now off to a second hand furniture store to buy furniture for the HOUSE I just got accepted into in Brunswick. Yay!

Who feels like they are just faking knowing how to live life right now?....... me!

A rainbow, super moon and half a wombat

... Just some of the the things that I had the pleasure of seeing on the second leg of my Gold Coast to Melbourne trip!

I had the pleasure of staying with my delightful cousin Judith, her partner and  their three incredible kids. Who were apparently excited that I was coming to visit, even though they had no idea who I was. "She is family" - that is probably the only way a kid is going to register their relation to their Mum's Aunts Daughters daughter :) "Family will do".

 I didn't fit the kitchen sink but I fit the kitchen's water filter.

Staying with Jude was great fun! And also a great reinforcement as to why I will, like Jude, wait until at least 30 to have kids! That way I can have adventures like this one. After going crazy on my way down, I cannot imagine how much harder those 800km would have been with 3 kids in the back! Well, they would have had to sit on the roof in this instance! I was so grateful to hang out with CJ (the only one crazy enough to be up this morning to have breakfast with me before I left!), India and Tammy. The last time I saw these brilliant children was a few days after Tammy was born - and now she is an 18month old, gorgeously ginger Dragon. She danced more last night than girls do in clubs!

 Being a Dietitian has its perks. I can eat a bacon egg and cheese muffin and convince myself its "good for me" as protein won't make me sleepy like carbs do for the roadtrip!

I had intended on leaving by about 6.30am to avoid "soccer mum" traffic, but it was way too cold. And then I realised I am moving to Melbourne. Get used to it Renee! It took a good hour to get out of Sydney even though the traffic was mild and then it was pretty smooth sailing. Especially compared to yesterday!!!

 20km out from my great-grandmothers house I go from 110km/hr to nothing. Turns out a semi had decided that it was bored on its side of the road and drove over the OPPOSITE bank and laid down for a rest. On its side. I said a little prayer as I passed!

 Slightly ironic that Lisa's playlist "Fireman's panties" was playing as I passed the local fire and rescue crew only 10km from the semi incident.

Today there was a lot more nothing. Like significantly more. It was a little depressing when I checked the GPS and it said "turn left in 550km". Well....! My phone charger broke... in my hands... while driving. So all my great photos will need to go onto the next blog as my phone is as dead as the wombat I saw on the road! And I believe there are some videos of me singing whatever happened to be on my iPod with the facial expressions that can only come with being delusional. Driving yesterday for 800km was not too bad - there were things along the way to look at, there were regular towns to drive through, there were winding roads and plenty of photo ops. Today - there was highway. And sheep. I have no clue how the truckies do it (well, I do have a clue but I like to think that they don't all succumb to artifical stimulation). I have always thought that I would do OK if I ever ended up in solitary - or if I lived in a cave by myself, but by the end of it I was sending snapchats of me delusional and singing to the delightful Dom in Adelaide because I knew at least she knew what I was going through, having driven alone from Adelaide to Brisbane last year. Lovely Lisa Allen created a bunch of mixtapes (who needs a highschool boyfriend when you have lifelong friends!) and I absolutely relished every song she chose out for me. Particularly the hilarious "if I didn't have you" by Tim Minchin, back to back MJ and a rap song about a guy who has breakfast in the afternoon at a cafe even though the toast is always soggy. 

 A part of me, I admit, did toy with the idea of "what would happen if I just turned around". Especially because with no one else to talk to, and nothing to distract me, I was left with just my thoughts. But then of course my logical part of my head (as well as my heart!) reminded  me that considering the distance I had covered, it would LITERALLY be harder to go back to the past than continue into my unknown future. ..... So I kept putting one foot in front of the other (well, in this case, one rotation of the tyre) and kept moving forward. It is easier to be brave when you have no other option!!!

For certain, the music was the only thing keeping me sane on this trip.

Strawberry fields forever...

Well, mostly. By the end of the trip, I was having conversations with my iPod (that is only slightly less sad than moving my rear vision mirror to reflect myself so I felt like I had company). Turns out my iPod is either a great friend who lies to make me feel better or psychic. Our convo went a little something like this as we were driving into Melbourne:

Me: So "Tiki's iPod" - how do you think I will feel living in Melbourne?

iPod: "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.

Me: Touche. Well that is a comforting thought. What do you think will happen in my first year of being in Melbourne?

iPod: "She will be loved" by Maroon 5.

Me: Ha! Well I am OK with that. Thanks for the confidence boost - especially since you know that would be the icing on the cake (the cake being an awesome life and career, of course). What if I freak out though? A part of me almost wants to turn back. I am a little nervous. Am I being silly?

iPod: "Dare to Live" by Andrea Bocelli.

Me: Nope. You are right. This is an adventure - and I kick ass when I am in a new environment overseas. It should be even easier since I know the customs and language! Thanks iPod!

But after being on the road for 12 hours, and having been made an espresso martini by Jess, I am ready for bed!

Almost ready to go!

On account of ruining my "i" "k" and "8" key this will be a short post (until i can fix it!!!). So I somehow managed to fit an entire rooms worth of stuff into Clem today - while also having the excuse to catch up with the effervescent Lisa and her strapping partner Josh, a dear old friend Tom and my Gold Coast PT/chef/barista Kieran on account of giving away possessions. Win win!

 My little Clementine - no clue how much stuff she will soon need to carry!

Being a Nutrition nut, I am big on food, and therefore the hardest thing to be ruthless about was my pantry! Books? Donate them. Art supplies? Toss them. Food....... food Renee! So a lot was handed out as "hey, you bought a mirror? Take some quinoa!!!" presents. Except for the chocolate. That is mine. 

I may have a little bit of a problem......

The day was made much more enjoyable due to the fact I could play music as loud as I wanted without fear of neighbours being annoyed (Until my Cop neighbour came home - and proceeded to ask if I was moving to Melbourne with my "boyfriend" (aka. my brother Dane).) Nope. Nope. Nope. 

Again, like a reliable best friend, Sara Bareilles helped me through the day - along with the mellow tunes of Chet Faker (without him, my heartrate seemed to be in a permanent state of "what have I forgotten!!!" mode). All was going well until I went to remove my water filter.... Now it has only been about 5 months since I installed it, and I remember at the time thinking "I really need to remember how I did this" but alas I had no idea. I remember using a monkey wrench so when all of my friends came up empty (well K brought one but the darn thing was, I kid you not, 3mm too small!) I went and visited my neighbour who gave me this monster wrench.

 Why are they called Monkey Wrenches? I have never been bit by a crab but I would assume they have a much tighter grip.

After unsuccessfully trying to get the filter off (and cursing that there were no men present to help me) I tried a different tactic. I used my fingers. Turns out I may be a descendant of Hercules because sure enough, I was now able to get it off. Being single isn't too bad! I got to prove something to myself today- that I have developed new muscles while on the harvest trail.....  

Ta-da!

I had procrastinated putting everything in the car for a few reasons. Firstly, I could have sworn that there would be no room and I would have to do the whole "do I want to take my shoe bag or my doona bag?" situation. And also, I haven't heard back about the house that I thought I was moving too. Now before my family reading this get all panicky, I have an amazing cousin who would never let me be homeless. But the fact that I am leaving to go - really - nowhere, is a little bit daunting. I haven't got a job lined up (yet). I haven't got a home (yet) and bar my cousin and an old friend, haven't even got a social circle to support me (Yet!). But - fortune favours the brave. And I am banking on a big pay off here! So I am trusting myself. I am putting faith in my ability to make things happen. I am trusting that since the Divine provided me with the inspiration to go, they will hopefully have my back! So, bring on tomorrow and let the adventure begin!

Procrastinating from Packing My New Life

I really shouldn't be deciding to start a blog today. Especially since my "i" and "k" key are taking turns in having naps, and therefore denying me the use of their character unless I copy and paste from other areas. Seriously, I had no idea how many times I used "i" in one sentence.....

Regardless, Lisa (the wonderful incredible and inspirational Lisa) suggested that due to the nature of my mini adventure (pack up my life, move to a new state, drive 20 hours by myself, arrive in a town where I haven't yet got a house or job - no biggie) i should track my thoughts and 'moments'. Good idea Lisa!

So for all you who don't know what I am doing (and lets be honest - a part of me doesn't know either) I am moving to Melbourne tomorrow. Well... driving TOWARDS Melbourne. It is a 20 hour journey and I do not possess superhuman truckie abilities yet. Today is the day that I pack my car in anticipation for the 6am start tomorrow morning. Today is the day that I make ruthless decisions about what I "really need" or not. Today is the day that I see just how much weight my Yaris can take. Let's all take a moment to knock on some wood!

So I am moving in winter - and usually the first people comment on when I tell them what I am doing. Yes I am aware that it is going to be crazy cold. Yes I am willingly giving up the mild, blue skied Gold Coast "winter" for the horrendousness of Melbourne. But I do it with hope. With faith (not for good weather, that would just be naive). I do it with the belief that the joy i obtain from the rest of my life will outweigh the weather. That my life, my circumstances and my attitude will be the metaphorical "ray of sunshine". Naive? Perhaps. But i have realised that i am not allowed to complain about a situation unless i am active in doing something to change it. And now, this is my change. I am aware that I may be slightly disillusioned when I move there, and that Melbourne does not provide all that I am looking for (who I am I kidding - the food is enough!) but at least then I can say "hey I tried, it didn't work, and now I can scratch it off my list". I wanted to move early last year after visiting my cousin in the very delightfully ethnic Coburg. Something about having a Turkish Italian and Greek cafe all on opposite corners of the intersection made me swoon. I had big plans to move, but let FEAR get in my way. Fear of what I would do, fear of not having my family, fear of having to make a new "support group" of friends, and most stupidly, fear of what I would do with my stuff. The "stuff" in my life was truly the biggest weight holding me down:

Itunes just answered my "how will I caption this" dilemma by playing Sara Bareilles - "Car is parked. Bags are packed. But what kind of heart doesn't look back"... This heart!

A part of me is embarrassed to admit the hold that physical objects had on my life decision. Especially when i consider myself a bit of a nomad with all of my desires to travel. But i have realised since being back from my 2 month harvest trail/vision quest (as such) that i can be the happiest i have ever been in my life with a few t-shirts, something to keep me warm and a toothbrush. Travelling in a van for over 4000km in 2 months really pulled things into perspective. i was happy. i didn't have my Bodum glass or hair straightner. i didn't have my plethora of scarves or my mountain of books. I didn't even have jewellery. And yet I  felt the most confident, content and secure I have in years. Funny how things work out right?

Turns out it is easier to catch chickens without makeup on.

So before I lost this nomadic ability to just go from one place to another with confidence in my ability to manage, I made the decision to move to Melbourne when I got back from my trip. I admit, lying in my bed for the first time after driving for 11 hours, a part of me did say "oooooh but I am sure that I can make living on the Gold Coast work.... I am sure that I can make myself happy" but the next morning I woke up and the fear wasn't there anymore. I just started organising my life.

Doing this has really made me realise what is important in life. It is certainly not possessions - if anything, they hold one back from experiencing true joy as one is always fearful of not having enough, or losing what they have (well, in my case anyway). It isn't even location (although I still consider Cinque Terre my "happy place"). And it is definitely not money. Although, having just enough in the bank to cover the risk of the unknown certainly reduces my nervousness! In the past, fear would have had me holding on my possessions so tightly - giving them human emotions, as if i  am cutting a friend out of my life when i get rid of an old singlet. But now i  have been able to give away a heap of my possessions without the usual accompanying fear of lack. Yes, it is slightly annoying to give away things I know that I will just have to buy again when I move, but HEY! I live in a world where I CAN. I am lucky enough that I can up and leave my situation, and make myself a new life without drama. I can tell the world "this situation does not suit me, I want change" and actually go forward with it. In that, I am the most blessed person in the world.

I am not ready. There are a thousand things I could do and organise before leaving. Actually finding a house would be one. But, in the wise words of Lemony Snickett "If we wait until we're ready, we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives" (Thanks Lachlan G. for the inspiration). So I am DOING before I am ready. I am taking the knowledge that so far in life, I have come out with all my limbs (and organs) despite all the weird and wonderful situations I have been in. The best case scenario outweighs my "worst case scenarios" by ten-fold. i have to be brave enough to do this so that I can literally be "the change I want to see in the world". If I keep telling people to be brave and take what they want from life, I need to be a good role model and prove that the unknown can be better than the known. The fear of the unknown isn't real. And if we really love ourselves, we will have faith enough in our own abilities to slay whatever dragon comes our way (in this situation, the only Dragon was me!).

So, in saying that, LET'S PACK FOR OUR NEW LIFE!

 "Why is it so cold.... seriously..... Can't elves just pack my car for me?"

"But I am moving to Melbourne!!!!"

Nb. Apologies to all my grammar/spelling Nazi (oooooh I need to find a better word - I am propogating a bad stereotype -spelling "Commander"?) friends for the lack of capitalised "I" or lack of commas.... my cold has meant that the entire 8, i, k, , row spontaneously stops working...... so I have been relegated to ctrl+v to paste letters. And I just couldn't be bothered changing the i to an I.