Serendipitous Scenario's and Philly's.

Ugh-gah.... blaaaaaaah! That is about how I feel right now. In the best possible way. It seems that words are really not quite enough to explain how I feel right now. And that is great. Words put limits on things - and can diminish the feelings and situations to be no more than a few letters strung together.

But they are also the only way that I know to communicate where I am at, so I will attempt to use them to my best advantage here in explaining my last 24 hours.

What a day.

I write this post while listening to the dear Sara Bareilles. Life makes me laugh. Truly. It was with my first (re)introduction to Sara Bareillles by the sweetest, most emapthetic friend I could have that this whole adventure began. "King of Anything" spurred my "well screw you" desire to let go of a particular boy (not a man....) and make some changes in  my life. It was "Brave" that got me on the road to my "what am I doing with my life?" harvest trail. It was "Gonna Get Over You" that made me realise that the future was rivetting and exciting and that I could totally take on what life threw at me, and it was "Many The Miles" that made me realise that my newly found incredible cousin Alex was not only insanely talented, but too similar to me to ever let out of my sites!

I am doing my best Sara.

So bear with my narrative while I inextricably get distracted by amazing music. My day. That's where I was at. So if you don't know, I am working at a wonderful cafe in Northcote that, although not as financially lucrative as my job as a clinical Dietitian, is exactly where I want to be right now (except for right now, where I am happily wrapped up in my dressing gown with a cup of tea). The staff are lovely, I have huge respect and admiration for my boss's (and will learn a lot from them) and get free meals. Like this.

Dukkah encrusted poached egg on a bed of red cabbage and watercress, with a bucket of avocado on pita bread. And feta!

I am a very sociable person (although that doesn't need stating if you know me) and so thrive in the hospitality environment. Unless I have idiot customers, in which case my facial muscles can produce a vicious glare. You don't want to see one of these. But if the wind changes, it might just happen permanently. I had a hectic day yesterday, made worse by the fact that after my full day at work, I was to race to the tram in the city and help out with a catering function for my work. By about 2pm it had slowed down, and I could breathe easy for a while. I noticed a customer in the corner with a bunch of paper work around her and her coffee and asked how she was going. She didn't need another coffee, so I asked what she was working on. She mentioned that she works in media and communications for a group that works on advocacy for women's rights, violence against women and children, and other things that made me think "this sounds like my roomie". I said "wow that must be really interesting (and hard) work. How ironic though, that I asked you about your work when one of the 4 people I know in Melbourne is in that line of work with her own start-up that focuses on advocacy of those issues".

She asked for the name of the start-up and almost fell off her chair when I told her. Turns out she has a meeting next week with one of Renee's board members (yes I am egotistical enough to have moved into a house with a girl with the same name) because she wants to be involved in the group. She proceeded to verbalise a bunch of her achievements and what she has done and why she wants to be involved in Renee's start up and I haven't got a card but here is my email and phone number and (basically) references. I couldn't stop laughing. Out of all the customers that had come through, this is the one that I could actually help in more ways than just offering a delicious beverage. I sent Renee a message when I finished, and laughed at the serendipitous moment of the day. This woman had just moved out from the UK and starts a new job on Monday, and therefore won't have time for late afternoon coffees in random suburbs that aren't near her house. I mean.... seriously.

But that was just the first serendipitous moment of the day. I was quite tired yesterday, as I had received an email earlier the day before from a boy which resulted in a very random and enjoyable phone call. Let me preface this. My first social gathering with my new room mates was over an episode of Offspring. Prior to moving in, I was invited to a night at theirs to watch the show. When I arrived, Renee and an ex-housemate were lamenting over the quality of guys on online dating and the dramas associated with actually getting anything out of it. After moving in, this issue seemed to still exist and Renee and I would have many interesting conversations about this. So I decided to sign up. Within 3 days I had had enough. Although I had one successful date, it wasn't for me. So I sent some obligatory responses to messages that I had received, saying that I wasn't interested at the time, but for the guys who were reasonably nice, I provided my email address in case they wanted to get to know me further (although I wasn't holding my breath). Sure enough, a week later, I heard from a guy I will call Blake. Blake is from Pennsylvania (although initially Texas) and has just moved down from Brisbane 2 weeks ago for a very random job opportunity that saw him apply for the job, and move his life to Melbourne in a 4 day period. I do like my nomads. 

He lived in Brisbane for 2 years and thought that he would connect with someone else who could reminisce on all things that Brisbane does better than Melbourne (not much.... at this stage - bar the weather). Anyways, he proceeded to ask me a bunch of questions regarding to what was on my profile and a bunch of other things. It was a great first email. There has only ever been one other guy who took the effort to send me a long email (since I refused to give him my number) and we are still in contact after a number of years. It was boding well. I looked at the email and thought "this will take a while to reply" (especially since my laptop keys for i and k aren't working!) so I made the spontaneous decision to call. His number had been on the bottom of the email as a signature, so I used it :) I didn't get an answer and thought "meh - I've got plenty of things to do" so went back to my conversation with Renee and having dinner. I didn't think much of it, until I got a "hey I have a missed call from you, who is this?". When I texted back that it was mwuah, he called back. We proceeded to chat for almost an hour, at which point we both realised we had big next days, so had to cut it short. He just wanted to tell me that he was going to the states for his brother's wedding, and so perhaps we could email until he got back in a fortnight, and we could go from there. Sure. No worries.

At work yesterday while having lunch, I recalled our conversation where nearly half of it was spent talking about food. No joke. I told him we had to change topic since I had already had dinner and now was super hungry! So I sent him a picture of my lunch. Cliche and really really lame, but the chefs had done a great job and I knew he would appreciate it. I went back to work and upon finishing, found "5 new messages" (well, 7, but two were from others). He had apparently just finished his lunch, so sent me a picture of the empty bowl and told me all about what he had eaten :) My kind of man. I thought it was kind of cute and giggled on my way to the function I was helping with. After serving a bunch of "Dumb Way to Die" Metro workers, I got a lift back with my new boss to my place. I had some delicious risotto that Renee had cooked, and was totally satisfied, as I had also had a salmon sandwich from work. Woot woo food! Renee and I were chatting about a guy who she had been keen on, on the online dating site, and I proceeded to reinforce that her campaigning skills were not at question here because she had failed to "promote herself well enough". I said it was the guy. He was clearly a jerk. I mean really, who emails back and forth and then just stops. You don't have to reply to someone who sends you one message to say you aren't interested. But if you have made contact on more than one occasion, you at least say "hey, thanks but I realise I am not interested". Psychologically much easier to deal with than BLANK. Grr. So I wanted to prove to myself that there were still good guys out there, and that if it was meant to be, it would be. So I texted Blake asking if he was free for a spontaneous late night adventure.

He didn't answer.

Previous me may have got upset, or reflected on "why isn't he interested" but I have (finally!) moved past that. I got back to my conversation with Renee and we chatted about feminism and politics and all things grown up. And then he replied. He was flying out to the states the next morning at 6am, and despite it now being 9pm, was happy to catch up. He had been out on a run and only just got the message. Now, I am all about making real first impressions - not being covered head to toe in "defence mechanisms" like fancy clothes or make up, but my current attire probably was not best suited to make a lasting impression (think scraggly hair after taking out my tight work appropriate bun, tracky pants and mismatched socks - although I kept that quirk when getting re-dressed!). Lucky for me, said boy needed a shower too so I had time to get changed. In Brisbane, I would be able to think of a bunch of random last minute date ideas, but I am lost in Melbourne. So I sent S.O.S messages to my 2 favourite Melbournites. Both came up with brilliant ideas, but both involved him taking a train for an hour, or me having to drink and drive. So I suggested to Blake that perhaps I could just drive to his (strategic move - this way I could avoid the awkward first meeting in a bar where you think "hey, are you so and so"?) plus I had an out. We decided to go for a random road trip and just see what we came across.

So, I took the 'quick' trip to South Yarra - the complete opposite side to Melbourne, but at least close to the incredible Jess's Richmond, so I had some sort of idea where I was. Despite now being 10.15pm, there was still a bunch of traffic around (really??!!?!?) but I got there in about 20 minutes. Blakes place is in a bunch of apartments, and quite sweetly, he was waiting for me in the common foyer area so I didn't have to awkwardly call and be like "which one is yours". He gave me a brief tour of his "house" (I use the term loosely, as the bedroom, living room, kitchen and dining room are all in one. The only room with a seperate door is the bathroom) as we had discussed his "kitchen dilemma" which he wasn't underselling. He only has 2 hot plates and a convection oven!

We went to my car, and he reflected on what my Yaris said about my personality (quirky and efficient I think!) and we started driving. He was a little distracted in talking to me, so we ended up going the complete opposite direction to where we had intended, but stumbled upon Chapel St which I at least recognised as Jess had brought me there on one of our previous adventures. Jess is awesome. But we all know this. Luckily parking was not an issue, and we went for a walk. We stumbled across a vodka bar, which coincidentally, despite not knowing where he was, Blake had been to on a previous trip. So we went in. Being the responsible person that I am, I explained to the waitress that I had one drink to enjoy, and could she help me make my decision out of the 8 pages of vodkas. She did, and it was amazing. Blake sipped on an honey/oakey vodka (had won a bunch of awards and apparently was one of those brands where the staff look at you like "you don't know who that is?" but meh) and we got to know each other. A few hours later (last drinks - which I wouldn't do) and we thought it was time for coffee. Neither of us, again, knew where we were or where to go, so we went for a walk in the opposite direction. We saw an open bar, and despite it not looking like they had coffee, Blake went in anyway to ask if they could recommend something. Now this is where my life is hilarious. I know 3 people in Melbourne. And 2 are family members. One of which lives in a house with 3 others. Out of all the bars, and all the nights, and all the people, the person that Blake went to ask for information from, was from Jess's roomie - who I had lived with for my first week in Melbourne. Seriously. I thought this stuff could only happen in Murwillumbah, or perhaps even Brisbane. But seriously?!?!?!?!

Anyways, we wandered a little but realised it was freezing cold and now 1am. So we drove back to his place as he at least had peppermint tea. One of the first things that Blake had said to me was "do you have allergies" as I apparently sounded nasally (I think I have eaten too much cheese this week) so when we walked into his place, this was my replacement for flowers:

Thanks for the subtle "you sound like Fran Drescher" hint.

Lol. Seriously.

So we sat down and made some peppermint tea and just chatted. I wasn't trying to impress him, I didn't feel self conscious about whether or not he liked me or "is my hair sitting right". I was secure in my own self that I didn't need his validation or approval, and it felt good. This led us to have much more in depth discussions about life and goals (despite his current occupation as a mechanical engineer - his goal is to open his own coffee shop/roastery - at which point I was internally like SHUT UP!!!)

He is in his early thirties, and has a plan for his life, and is not afraid to achieve it. I found this quite refreshing as I have only ever dated guys my age. I actually felt like I could have an adult conversation (whatever that is). Anyways, we were discussing how we both had bad backs (and I discovered he does yoga.... tick). He mentioned how as a kid his Dad had taught him how to massage people under the pretense of "this is how you get girls" but he secretly thought that it was his way of getting a free massage each day! So he said that if I could get rid of his knots he would be happy to return the favour. Now Mum. Or Rachelle. Or whichever one of you are starting to blush - I am a grown woman who has boundaries. It was platonic and purely non-sexual. I also had a really stubborn shoulder knot which I was desperate to have removed. So I gave him a massage. I have been told before by friends that I am ok, so laughed a little when he was surprised that I knew what I was doing. We chatted a bit more and then when I had had enough we swapped. I am so grateful I went first, because when he started massaging me over my (luckily silk) shirt, I just wanted to never get up! Girls... THIS ONE CAN MASSAGE RIGHT!!!!! The pressure was perfect and my back cracked in a thousand (good) places and the knots were removed! Huzzah! He finished up and said "this is probably a good place to finish the night" and when I realised it was 2am, and he had to leave for the airport at 3am (!!!!!) I agreed. He walked me to my car, and gave me a hug goodnight, and said that we should definitely catch up when he got back, as he liked girls who were game (or naive???) enough to have spontaneous late night adventures with strangers hours before they had to leave the country. Some (like my blessed Aunty Gem) may die of fright on behalf of me, but my intuition (and basic hapkido moves) mean that I trust myself to handle (or avoid) potentially negative situations. And hey - it makes a fun life story?

So I drove home listening to Lisa's epic roadtrip soundtrack which I had put in while driving to my date and reflected on how all the fears I faced by moving to Melbourne had disappeared and revealed a life that I can't stop laughing about, and being grateful for.

I am just so happy. I say this not to be narcissistic or to make you feel that "my life is better than yours". That is not the case. I write this because 1. I have a family history for memory loss and want to keep these fun memories on hand, 2. I would spend an entire day calling all the people I care about to fill them in on what I am up to and 3. I want to remind all of you reading this, that happiness is absolutely possible. I am a living, breathing example that it doesn't take the highest paying job, it can't involve staying in your comfort zone, and it doesn't require someone else making your tough life decisions for you. I am an example of the fact that it is OK to fail. It is OK to take chances. It is OK to take a job which you find out later, sucks. Because you can just quit. And find a better one. It is important to just make a decision - right or wrong, and deal with the consequences later - whether it be realising that you lost a job that you actually liked, you broke up with the wrong person and should have worked harder, you moved to a town that was too hard to live in, or, went on a date with a random who turned out to be a flop. It is better to live and make a few "mistakes" (which really, is impossible, the only mistake is not making it or not learning from it) than sit in the candy store for five years, holding a $5 note and not picking a piece of candy in case you pick the wrong one. Which is what I did. But now, I grabbed a candy and hoped for the best. And turns out, that it was pretty damn delicious. But you know what? Even if it had been a really crappy lolly, I can go out, earn some more money, and try something different.

Who would have thought?

The Story of How I was Assigned a F**k Buddy (but said "ahhhh...no").

Looking back over the past few weeks, it is incredible to realise how quickly and easily things have fallen into place to me. This way of life is, luckily, not something that is abnormal to me. When I find myself in the flow of life without constantly trying to dig my heels into the ground, things usually flow easily (and fast).

Take this journey to Melbourne. The opportunity came up to go on a harvest trail. Previously I had turned the idea down as it would be "logistically too hard". This time however, I thought "why not?" and proceeded to do one thing at a time to make it happen. Yes it was complicated and there were a lot of things to consider: rent/petrol/change of address/phone reception/letters of resignation/potential career pitfalls/organising 'life' but I did them. One at a time - the only way that one CAN (although previously I would try and do 100 things at once and just give up, instead of doing 1 thing independently 100 times). I went with the "flow". I had no idea where I was going, but organised one place at a time. And when I got to Melbourne, I again had that little niggling voice saying "this is where you belong" and trusted it. Logically I could have very easily suppressed that voice, and drowned it in the "but what about...." or "how will I..." thoughts. I heard the little girl saying "this is what I want to do" and listened instead of putting the adult thoughts of "but I should...." on top. And it worked. I got here, and within a day had a house (although I put that off for a week because 'surely it can't be that easy') and found a job (which in hindsight was crap but it was something) and got a Myki card. Yay trams!

The one thing that has not fallen into my lap is a relationship. I have already made a solid group of friends and family who I can depend on, and for that I am so grateful. I came down here really only knowing 2 people (one of which has not been here since I moved as she was overseas) and am so grateful for the ease at which I feel like I have a support network already. But boys have alluded me, and for that I am actually really GRATEFUL. For the first time really ever, my life is incredibly full. I am not trying to "fill my life" so that I can trick the universe into thinking that I am now ready for a relationship. I am not even actively seeking it. Which is very unlike me! Of course I miss having hugs, but I have realised I don't need a "relationship" for that. Yesterday I went into Renee's room and asked for a hug and surprise surprise, she gave me one. So that problem is solved. Plus my new cousin Alex gives the best intense little person hugs (like the ones I used to get from Aunty Genia... something about cuddling someone of that height is just incredibly comforting!!!). So it is with great amusement (and laughter) that I relay the following story.

My delightful room mate Renee (side note... A guy came to deliver a parcel to our house for Renee and when I opened the door he said "hey Renee!" and I temporarily thought "HOW DO YOU KNOW ME!?!?!" and then realised.... Ha!) has had some interesting encounters on online dating. We have had quite a few conversations about this, and how to interact with guys. One in particular had caught her fancy, but she wasn't sure how to turn the banter into an actual meeting, and if she even should. So I took it on myself to "write a good life story" and sign up.

I admit that about 2 years ago, coming out of a long term relationship, I had signed up. Looking back, I can probably say that I just wanted to feel 'seen' and attractive after feeling neglected and used for so long. This type of interaction was safe, and ego boosting. But in this instance, I was not looking for anything like that. I had actually, that afternoon, exclaimed to Renee that I missed "going on dates" and the thrill of meeting a new person, getting dressed up, and trying somewhere new. So it was quite ironic that I did end up going on a "coffee date" that night! But more on that later.

I set up my profile, and realised that it was really not necessary, as I have, over my time in hospitality, picked up the ability to walk up to a random person and start a conversation which can lead to a coffee/movie/market date. But I needed to prove to Renee what was possible (and to be completely honest, wanted to see "how far I had come" in terms of needing to prove myself to others). I received quite a few messages, and filtered out anything with less than 3 words (yes, that is an actual feature on these website!) and heard from a nice actor called Tim who sparked an interesting discussion about "truth" that I had mentioned on my page. While sending messages back and forth with him, (and politely working out how to reject other people who, although surely sweet, were not my type) I received the most laughter inducing message I had received, well, ever.

I laughed so hard that my roomie had to ask what was going on.... from the other room. I ended up reading it out to her, with many gasps and "nooooooo" coming from her. 

Sums up Renee's reaction. Doesn't help that Renee runs a strongly pro-feminism start up......

I would love to copy and paste the message, but it really is not blog appropriate. But in summary, this guy thought I was "obviously cute" and since coming out of a serious relationship, wanted 1 cool chickwhose "toy" he could be. He said that I seemed kind of cool and he would be "up for it" whenever I wanted, and that I could just tell him what to do (mind you, he did provide many examples of what those things could be should I accept). This went on for longer than the length of some of my scientific abstracts, and ended with "100%.. serious.. just between us.. you have full control.. please dont get mad or yell at me.. i liked you, and just thought I'd see if you were interested at all.. if not.. thats totally fine".

 My reaction in gif format:

I will give him this - it was the loudest I had laughed since moving here. I appreciated his honesty at least. I contacted my "guide to life" Lisa and showed her the message. After the initial shock ("Do you think he is being serious?", I am pretty sure that this was how she reacted:

But her literal response was better:

"That's hilarious because it sounds like your life is playing out like a weird TV show.And everyone gets a personal f**k buddy just openly approach[ing] you when you move to Melbourne".

So there you have it. My life is a joke. A hilarious sitcom. And I love it that way. I am not taking myself too seriously, and worrying as much about "where I am going". I am focusing more on "where I am now" and it seems to be paying off.

So I ended up going to Brunetti's. Renee thought it was hilarious that I had never heard of this place because "its not just Melbourne, but internationally famous". Regardless, I made the spontaneous decision to meet Tim there at 9 for coffee (and this delectable semi-freddo which came in a bucket I could keep!!!). 

It was nice. He was a lovely person to talk to, and we had some very serious conversations about acknowledging our truth and bringing down barriers. It was refreshing finding that I felt no need to impress him, or rattle off all of my accolades. It was refreshing to find that I had finally arrived at a point in my life where I did not need to do the whole "look at me look at me - I am worthwhile!!!" thing. It also made me realise that I really needed to cancel the site. Although he was lovely, and most certainly a good companion for random "exploring Melbourne" outings, I am really enjoying my own company and kind of want to keep it that way. I like being able to go somewhere by myself and just take it all in. Without having to be distracted by someone else, or convince them I am interesting and lovable.

Renee did think it was hilarious about how quick I could turn a random message on a site into a date, and acknowledged that "I won at online dating". But that isn't really the goal is it. It isn't to attract the most people, or get the most people thinking about you. It is to find yourself and your own company attractive, and not need anyone else's opinion of you dictate how you feel about yourself.

So tonight, I am going to hang out with my three favourite girls in Melbourne, while watching Offspring, eating chocolate and relishing in the life that I have created myself. It may not be what I thought happiness would look like when I was a kid (dinner in a fancy restaurant overseas with my intelligent, handsome husband  while we discuss how many holiday houses in Europe we want to own), but with many more years and experiences under my belt, I realise that what I have right now - a group of wonderful friends, a personality that I am proud of, a job that I love, and a simple existence, is really all one needs to be truly happy.

In pursuit of pastry

I am sitting in my home, the taste and warmth of peach tea lingering in my mouth, listening to my Italian neighbour interrupt his Sardinian conversation to "talk back" to the birds in an attempt of their native tongue. I wonder if he sounds to them, like what children sound like when they pretend to know how to speak Chinese. Regardless, the birds are replying to him.

Today has been a great day. Actually, today has been a day. But my mindset has made it fantastic. Today started yesterday. So let me begin there.

I had a shift organised at the Docklands - having worked there Friday night too, I was not too keen on going back Saturday. Especially since I knew that there would be more forced conversation between myself and the boss, as I would be the only staff member there. Within 30 minutes, my neck felt stiff and incredibly sore, and this led to an intense feeling of nausea. My Irish manager noted this and asked if I needed to leave. I told him that despite having worked through a nasty steam burn at my previous job once on a busy night, I wasn't sure if I could hang around too much longer that day. Every step literally made me feel like throwing up. Luckily for me, Paddy had found a replacement and my shift was cut back to 3 hours. I regretted not working long enough to earn more money, but I knew I just had to lie down and sleep. I went home, made myself a bowl of serotonin producing baked chips, and had a nap. A 3 hour nap. I woke up at 7pm wondering if I should just sleep through. But decided to do some reading.

I had bought a book back a while ago called "Me Before You". I hadn't started it for at least 4 months after buying it. It was an impulse buy on my Kobo when I had a 80% discount voucher! I had started reading it the day before, and decided to keep reading it with the light of my candles going so that I didn't go straight back to bed. It is about  a traditionally 'successful' man who works lots, has many relationships, travels and then becomes a quadraplegic, and the ensuing battle between him, his mother, and the main characters (his new carer) desire for him to live. Having just had a mini meltdown about what I was doing with my life, was I doing enough, was it the right decision, this book really brought my melodramatic thoughts to a stand still. I could make my own food. I could roll over in bed if I was uncomfortable. My every decision was up to me and me alone. What - really - did I possibly have to complain about? If things didn't go my way, it was on no one but myself. And here I was moping that I hadn't found a full time job in two weeks. This (albeit fictional) man would never be able to work again.

I got a message from my Mum on FB, and proceeded to voice my concern at disappointing her. I had been applying for jobs - I had been emailing people - I had been walking around random streets in the hope of seeing a "wanted" sign, or just something that caught my eye. I was not used to things "not happening" to me and was scared that I was doing something wrong. Or missing some sort of sign. Or not talking to the right people. What if this kept going? What if I didn't find anything? What was everyone else doing right that I wasn't? I was digging myself into a hole. I told Mum that I was such a wreck, because I didn't want to let her or Svend down. They had put so much time and effort (and finances) into this opportunity for me. And I felt like I had failed them by not having a job the second I drove into Melbourne. Mum responded by saying "Renee - if you are actively looking for work, and are aiming for full time work, that is enough. No one expected you to have a job straight away". Except me.

I wanted instant comfort. I wanted instant security. I wanted adventure, but I did not want uncertainty. I wanted everything to fall into my lap. I didn't want to continue to be persistently optimistic. I wanted life to be easy. I packed up and moved to Melbourne. That was a tough decision - but I did it. Didin't I deserve the rest to fall into place? Had my intense faith in my move not allow the rest to just 'happen".

No.

And then I read this.


"When the seed becomes a sprout it is going into something unknown. When the sprout starts growing flowers it is again a movement into the unknown. And when the fragrance leaves the flowers -- again, a quantum leap into the unknown. Life needs courage at each step." ~Osho


Life does not occur in the secure moments. Life does not happen when it is easy and comfortable. To live dangerously means to live. If you don’t live dangerously, you don’t live. Now this does not mean that I was going to go out and stand in traffic just to feel alive. But it also inspired me to "do" life. So I stopped and thought about what I wanted. And I wanted coffee. At 11pm. I decided to go for a walk. Perhaps to Lygon St. My roomie Renee reinforced that although there would certainly be places open, and Lygon St was well lit, perhaps I should take the more trafficked Blythe St to the intersection. I may be "living dangerously" but I am not naive. I rugged up, put on a beanie and went for a walk by myself. About 20 minutes later I found myself at a cafe called Gelobar. One of the few places I had been to on my first ever trip to Melbourne. The waiter there reminded me of a guy I had met in Verona and I instantly felt at ease. I ordered myself a latte (and a warm chocolate fondant!) and sat by myself under the picture of the owner with Andrea Bocelli. The coffee came and I sat in silence, just observing all the people around me who were oblivious to the fact that they were being people watched by a Brisbanite in the corner. I didn't go expecting a huge life revelation. Or to meet the man of my dreams. Or even to have someone offer me a job in the cafe. I went because at that time, that was how I was going to step into the unknown.

I walked home and called my brother who has recently graduated and staring down one of the toughest unknowns there is. Life after 17.5 years of studying. As usual, I had interrupted his game time, but being the incredible brother that he is, said that he could do both at once :) Thanks Dane. We had a chat about life and about fear, and then Dane admitted that he too, had some issues to overcome. I hope I am not outing you Dane, but it was funny for me to hear that my brother, so cool, calm and collected in his dealings with life, was also stuck with fear. I reminded myself that just because he didn't do the Italian thing of flailing his hands up and down the moment there was unrest, did not mean that internally he wasn't feeling distress. I told him that the following morning I had planned on going to a "flour market" to spend an hour lining up for bread, and let him get back to his game. I continued the walk home in silence. Hands shoved in the pockets of the jacket that Jess gave me (I am still not quite equipped enough for Melbourne weather!) I enjoyed the cold, dark walk home past the houses with magnolia trees about to bloom, and lemons lining the ground. Aaah Melbourne. I am home.


So I got home, continued reading more of my book until at about 2am. I then realised that if I wanted to get up at 8 to make it to the "Flour Market" before it got too crazy I would only be getting a few hours sleep. So I went to go to sleep but then ended up reading an article by the wife of Dr. David Katz for her new soon to be blog - Cuisinicty. She made a comment about creating recipes for food that people would love, for food that would love them back, and it gave me a little inspiration for where I want to go career-wise. Stay tuned!



So despite my best intentions, I didn't get to the Flour Market (basically an upper class bake sale) until 9.24. I had planned on being there at around 9 but missed my tram by about 1 minute (I took a wrong turn and ended up going to the stop before the one I usually get - which would have meant that I could have made it but oh well!) so instead got to stand in the middle of the road at the tram stop, soaking up the sun for the next 20 minutes.

When I got there, the line was already a few hundred metres long. And I may be UNDERestimating! I luckily had brought my Kobo so continued reading (and finished) my book. It took about 30 minutes until I got to the front of the queue - and then I looked back and realised that the line behind me was now just as long as when I had got there. I wondered if the people who arrived at 10am were even going to get anything! I got in and realised I had no idea where to go. Locals seemed to know which stall to go to, and which was worth queuing up for. I had no idea. It seemed like I just had to join a queue and hope for the best. It was dough or die.

I got in line and asked the girls in front if they knew who we were lining up from. Like me, they were not from Melbourne so weren't entirely sure. They were from Tassie. Then the girl behind me asked and I told her I had no idea because I was from Brisbane. And she said she was from Tassie too! We then bonded over how ridiculous our friends back home would think we were for lining up for pastries, and that made the following 20 minutes go much faster. To my astonishment (and excitement) I had inadvertently lined up for these beauties:

Raspberry, lychee and rose cronuts!

 There were originially salted caramel ones, but by the time my spot in the line got to the front, they were all gone. It was so hectic, and the line so long, that 20 people from the front, a lady offered me $10 to buy her one as the end of the line was so far back. I told her ethically I couldn't do that, because that person who was currently at the end of the line might miss out because she jumped in. And I couldn't deny someone one of these!

As I walked home, content that I had managed to grab at least SOMETHING from the market before it all sold out (I heard that a lot of the people behind me missed out) I decided to stop for coffee at the Grub Food Van. It was so adorable, and the menu so creative, but I only grabbed a coffee as I had two delicious donuts in a bag waiting to be eaten.

I needed a coffee at Grub Van Cafe to recover from my line waiting.

And to top it off, the sun has been shining all day - even when waiting for the tram!

 I got home, and decided to relish the sun out on Steph's balcony. I could get used to this.....

The perfect lunch. Honeydew Green tea and donut!

Welcome HOME Renee(s)!

I have a home. Well, not technically or officially (Real Estate are yet to 'officially' approve me as my boss has gone AWOL) but I have a bed. A roof (and a sun roof!). And a happy place to wake up. And I found it on my first full day in Melbourne. Go figure!

I wish I were as cool as this box man. At least I know someone is patroling the street on which I live day and night.

Today I still have a few unsorted boxes in my room, but all in all, I have "moved in". My button rainbow is above my bed and I feel like I have truly settled in....

I love waking up underneath a rainbow everyday - especially since the grey miserable weather in Melbourne is hardly ever compensated for with this kind of apology note from Mother Nature.

Considering that I had spent most of yesterday in my room unpacking/settling/sleeping or at my soon to be ex-job, I thought I would go for a wander and suss out the area in which I live. I headed west to Lygon St and walked up the street - being pleasantly surprised that one of the few places I had actually gone into to ask about a job was RIGHT HERE. Naturally, I avoided it and went next door for coffee. The place reminded me of the kind of dining room my grandmother would have. Retro green leather couches lined the left wall, and the lack of official counter as such had me a little thrown off. Although this concept then led me into an interesting philosophical discussion with myself and my diary about our need in society to understand the 'procedure' for doing this, and how to 'appropriately' behave in places. I realised of course, that it was probably only someone as thought-crazy as me who would use the lack of a bench as an excuse for a 30 minute musing on society but meh, that is me. I enjoyed my time with my diary, and having the chance to stop distracting myself for the first time in probably a week. I got to be there. With myself. By myself. For myself. And it was liberating. I didn't need a book to drag me away from my current reality, I didn't need my phone to read up on the latest "top 15 Hawaiian foods you need to eat right now" (although I did just read their article on why Danish Princess Mary is the most perfect lady ever. Represent.) and I didn't need to awkwardly make conversation with the barista because I needed to show him that I wasn't just some weirdo who had no friends or nothing to do.

I had a little moment with the universe and decided that it was time to leave. I paid for my coffee, went outside, and walked into the next establishment.... East Elevation (yes, I plan to try every cafe on Brunswick St). I went in and said hello to the man at the door. I asked if he was Brian, which of course he was. Brian has received a few emails and answered a call from me in regards to working at his joint, so I just wanted to give him a face to the (persistant) name. I had intended on just having a coffee, and writing more in my journal while being surrounded by random sprouting plants, vines growing on the roof beams and the chocolate factory behind the glass wall. However, the allure of food was too much - especially when the menu had items like coconut and rhubarb tapioca, and cauliflower and coconut soup.... And after my coffee arrived, I made the snap decision to order a brunch as well. Because, well, research right? I am wanting to open my own place eventually and I need to start accumulating inspiration yeah?

Proof that I am a very impulsive person (but that it totally pays off)!

As I sat there (annoyed at myself for being "one of those people" that cannot just enjoy the moment by myself but having to capture it..... I forgave myself by using the #mealforameal so at least my annoying customer syndrome would have some sort of social benefit) I got excited. 

I. Love. Food.

The smell. The temperature. The aesthetics. The flavour. The mouthfeel. The nutrition! It just made me so grateful to be exactly where I was. The coconut and cauliflower soup was delicious and had deliciously toasted almond slivers on top to breakup the otherwise monotone soup. And the pumpkin bread was topped with the most incredible watercress salad. And the dressing was the perfect combination of salt and acidity. And even just the addition of the slices of radish to give it that extra colour, and the slices of fennel to aid my digestion (I am sure that wasnt the intention, but I used it!). It is just food but it is also so much more. It really is such a gateway to the spiritual side of life. Let me explain. When you nourish your body with the foods that resonate well with your body, you are able to focus on the other areas of your life, as your physical concerns are not taking up all your thoughts. When you listen to how your body reacts to foods, you are giving yourself a chance to listen to whether your body is handling things or not. Is your digestion sluggish? Is it due to the foods you are eating, or is there an emotional cause to this phenomenon? Are you eating foods based on what your body needs for the longterm, or for instant gratification? I ate this meal purely for enjoyment. It was able to draw me back into myself as I got to experience all the wonderful reactions my body had to the food. The way that the soup felt going down my throat. The way that the pumpkin bread nourished and filled me. I was brought into a feeling of gratitude to the chef for preparing such a delicious meal. And the delivery guy who brought the ingredients. And the farmer who grew the cauliflower who made my soup. The food brought me back to that moment. And for goodness sake, I am in Melbourne!!!! I had previously been noting in my diary my concern for my future (a pointless endeavour I realise). What if I couldn't do it. What if I was still nowhere in 5 years time. What if I didn't meet the right people. What if I didn't live up to my potential? And then I realised - I made it to Melbourne. 3 weeks prior, when I was just a visitor I expressed these same concerns to my cousin Jess. What if I get home and get stuck? What if it is too much hassle to move down here? What if I can't do it? What if I can't find a house? But I pulled myself together and took one step at a time. I packed one bag. I took a photo of 1 item to sell. I gave away 1 bottle of vodka (well, Lisa actually got 2!). I took one step in front of another (sometimes to the side) but I was moving. And in a direction that would get me to Melbourne. And then I realised, that is exactly what I am doing now. I have a goal. I am taking one step at a time. And if it takes 3 months or 5 years, I am on the path to a life I want to lead. And the journey is really all that matters - so why should it matter how long that journey takes, right?

Speaking of long journeys, the journey to getting a bed was mighty long too. It required 3 trips to Ikea mainly because I was naivestupid and cancelled my van hire because despite having driven a van for the past 2 months "driving a van on a busy road is scary". So I arrived at the warehouse to the biggest collection of boxes in the waiting area. "All mine? Why thanks!!!". I thank goodness had some lovely people helping me (the joys of being single and female mean that other guys take pity on you!) and it all got home. And assembled. And I only have 1 screw left over that I just couldn't get in where it was meant to go. I take that as a win.

Yeah - maybe cancelling the truck hire was a bad idea.

Especially since driving at a 45 degree angle is hard.

Well I guess I ripped you open Ikea box so ripping my finger open was only fair.

But - tonight I get to go to Alex's house (My long lost cousin who now lives only 8 minutes away) for tea, takeout and talking (and Offspring). I have perhaps only been in Melbourne for a week, but I finally feel, for the first time in over 5 years, that I am HOME.

No phone... No clue

Well. Today was interesting. Not sure where to start - but lets begin at the top.

Jess has recently started a very coveted job as a bartender at Vue De Monde. My complete ignorance to the prestige associated with fine dining became apparent when i didn't gush along with everyone else when she got the position. In my 6 days in Melbourne though, I have quickly learnt that Vue De Monde is actually a "thing". So - Jess got home at around 5.30am, and since I am sleeping in her bed, and possess her keys, got to wake up to let her in. While she had been at work, I had had a trial at a pub down in the Docklands ("no one goes to the Docklands... at all" - some delightful IT Pommie had told me only a day earlier.... thanks mate, but its my only job thus far.... dont knock it until Ive been there!!!) and it had gone seemingly well. It was quite quiet (love the English language) as it was a Thursday, and the only thing that really drew people down that way was the Footy Show which is recorded just around the corner. I was in and out in 3 hours. No big deal for me - I wasn't planning anything exciting anyways! And I got a free pint of 150 Lashes and a MASSIVE chicken parmi!

So Jess came home late and we discussed the job. It was mine if I wanted it, and there was potential for FT work. Lord knows they needed me.... none of the other staff could make coffee (mind you, even being from Brisbane, I tried their beans and couldnt even finish the sip it was so bad!!!), they all standed around and gossiped instead of finding things to clean etc, and I was great with the customers. Also, I needed the job. Although I had only been in Melbourne 5 days and really had no reason to feel anxious, I was also acutely aware of how much I was relying on my family to have my back financially. I wanted to have my own back. The pay was, well, more than I earnt at Big W when I was 14, but did not include super or annual leave etc. However, it was more than I would be earning sitting at home. So although Jess was mortified and told me that he "was taking the piss out of me" I agreed to go in for a shift today at 5pm. Which would apparently be far busier as the fireworks are on each Friday during winter.

After driving through Brunswick East and dropping off my resume at 2 specially picked cafes (despite having emailed the bosses the day before, I seemed to have arrived JUST as they were in meetings or had just stepped out!) I raced home, woke up Jess, had lunch and then headed to work. Patrick, the delightful Irish "manager" as such said I get a free feed, so could come in 45mins early and pick something up before I started. I craved a "salad" but was then given a caesar salad. I should have got a parmi! I started a bit early because, well, first impressions, and was hounded right from the get go. The fireworks were cancelled due to the fact that a group of people on the Malaysia Airlines flight were on their way to a conference nearby Docklands in regards to AIDS research, or something of the like. So it was in respect to them.... or something... that they were cancelled. Despite that, the place was packed. And I was happy as there is nothing worse than going to work and being sent home after only 2 hours because it is too quiet.

There was a group of guys in for their mates birthday - an IT business owner. He was a lovely guy with a boyish face. He was very sweet to me, but instead of paying his order with cash, another guy said to put it on his tab. Now I am just getting used to their operating system, and know by now that once I have put an order under a table, you can't just change the table. Well, you can, but I had no idea how. The boss walked past and I thought "great, you can quickly fix this". Nope. Wrong. So so wrong.

I knew where I had made a mistake - however it was not a mistake, as the circumstances of the sale changed halfway through. If I had known the charge was going onto the tab right from the get go, I could have worked it out. But instead of listening to me, my boss decided to berate me. Horrifically. In front of the group of customers I had so happily been serving. It was a simple measure to alter the docket, but I simply did not have the managerial logins to do what needed to be done. The poor customers watched in horror as my new boss attempted to talk down to me, and make fun of me in front of the customers. If that wasnt bad enough, as I tried to pour the drinks, he started abusing me for "not watching what he was doing instead" - which I had just told him I would have done HAD THE CIRCUMSTANCES BEEN DIFFERENT!

I am ever a professional, so bit my tongue. But the look of shock on the customers face proved to me that the way he spoke to me in front of them did more damage to his business than a simple misunderstanding with the new bartender did. To prove this, the birthday boy kept apologising for putting me in this situation (soooo not his fault!) and the older gentleman who had the tab came past and gave me a $10 tip - and offered to buy me a pink cocktail later! I am happy to be 'told' if I have made a mistake - however do not accept being humiliated when 1. I have done nothing actively wrong, 2. I am NEW and 3. Instead of talking in private, it is done in a way to boost his own ego, as if "he needs to do it all himself".

So I walked away, cleaned some glasses, and came back to the bar smiling. He will not have power over my emotions. No Sir. The other girls completely backed me up - they were all English and Irish, and said he was the same to all of them so not to take it personally. Even Patrick apologised for him - but I said that wasn't necessary. He will suffer the consequences when he has no staff to fill in the shifts for him. I finished my shift and grabbed my pint of cider (MUCH deserved!). I started talking to the guy with the tab who gave me the tip, and after much discussing of overseas travel, found out his BROTHER lived in my home town. Well, worked in Murwillumbah but lived in Uki. Unbelieveable.

I decided shortly after to go for the tram. I am moving tomorrow and really needed sleep. As I walked out, the birthday boy followed me. I hadnt spoken to him much after I finished, so thought he just wanted to say goodbye or something. Instead he walked with me towards the tram. I suppose I should take it as a compliment that the first thing he said to me was "I have a girlfriend, so don't worry, I am not trying to hit on you". Instead, what he offered was much better than a number. He was so appalled by the way this boss had spoken to me, that he wanted to find me a new job. Being a very successful IT guy meant he had a lot of accounts at a lot of bars and restaurants, that he frequently visited with clients. A lot of his IT friends also had bars too. We chatted, and he asked for my email/number so that he could pass it onto his contacts in the industry, and hopefully get me something else, as he hated the idea of me agreeing to go back again after the way he spoke to me. We had a lovely chat, and then his girlfriend came so he had to go! Bye random friend ;)

I jumped on the next tram and texted some friends while reading my Kobo, until my phone died. At which point, I focused on my book. I kept an eye on the number stop I was supposed to get off at, and where we were. Stop 18. Huh. I think this is mine. I got up and as the tram pulled to a stop, realised my mistake. I had looked at the stops for 75 not the 70 line that I was on. I should have just stayed on but it felt like the whole tram was watching me, so I got off, thanked the driver, and then stood in the middle of nowhere with no Google Earth to help me get my bearings, and thought, well shit. So, I thought I was about 4 stops early from where I wanted to go, so headed up the street. I noticed the next stop was 29, and I had just got off at 18, and then I remembered. I got on at stop 11.

By this stage, the half litre of cider was working its way out of my stomach and into my bladder, and my bladder is not that big. So I was already struggling. But now I realised that I was a very very very long way from anything that I knew. Luckily, an opposing tram came and was the same number. I quickly realised I had to go back a few stops, so jumped on (also, my card had apparently run out of money, so I THANK GOD had an old invalid concession card myki which still had $7 on it!!!) and headed back. I thankfully found my way at the RIGHT station, but being the weirdo that I am, decided to stop past the 7-11 (in my 2 shirts, jumper jacket and thermals) and buy myself a Golden Gaytime. Because I needed a bit of Gayness now that it had taken me well over an hour to get home!

Which leads me to know. Cold(er since I had the icecream), sitting in the living room for my last night as a Richmond nomad, full of hope (and battery!) for the future, and possessing a happy empty bladder. Life is good right?

Where the business cards are really cabbages in disguise

So i have arrived in Melbourne (and my eyboard [ugh] is still broen).

A quote that i have had to remind myself of over and over since coming down is this:

"Everything i've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile... initially scared me to death".

And that about sums up where i am at right now. Calm but terrified.... but certain that i am in the right place to continue my life. I will only live the life that I create for myself. The perfect life will not just "happen" to me. And with that - i intend to create the life that i desire.

I won't go as far to say that this trip was inspired by Star Wars, but he makes a point.

So where do we start. Having lived in a van for months prior to moving - (- will now replace my unuseable comma) i was not ready to sleep on a couch (or force Jess to share her bed!) for too long. The first thing i did upon arrival (apart from contact my family to let them know that I was alive) was sleep. But the NEXT day I started my quest for somewhere to live. I came across two ads that jumped out at me and contact both of them to organise a meeting. One in Brunswick East with two lovely "socially and environmentally aware" girls in Brunswick East, and another in Abbotsford with a Pommy IT guy and 2 Canadian travellers. Although the rent for this second place was faaaaar out of my price range, the Pom's ad write up reminded me of my dear old friend Nic and I just HAD to meet him!

I had the chance to meet the girls a few hours after contacting them (and laughing at the potential hilarity that would ensue if we lived together, since one of the two was also called Renee), so finished my first Melbourne pour over (I went to Touchwood in Richmond by myself, and almost didnt get a seat it was so busy!) and then drove over to Brunswick with a car full of my life.

Now I admit to not being the best driver - there have been times where I have forgotten to do a head check  before changing lanes, and in one awkward scenario, drove through a red light, on the wrong side of the road, at night, without lights on (dont judge me). But Melbourne roads are insane. Suuuuuuure everything is on a grid and logically designed, but there are yellow lines on the road next to white ones, next to tram tracks, next to pedestrian islands, next to traffic lights where you have to turn right from the left lane while checking the opposite traffic, the traffic going straight AS WELL AS checking for trams both ways. All the while ensuring that when you do finally get the chance to go, the lights are still green. Needless to say, I am pretty sure on that 20min journey, I did numerous illegal u-turns, merged without indicating, probably pulled in front of a car or 2 without enough room between us and most likely drove through a red left turn light.

And still not a single ticket!

The house was in a great area though and really reminded me of Copenhagen with the town houses and the little balconies and everything being, well, cold. Luckily for me, it is only about 10 mins from my long lost cousin (more on her soon!). The girls were really great, love having Offspring sessions over tea, have a worm farm and are ok with me making a vertical garden. I think I can fit in here.

Upon telling my family about moving, my dear Aunty Gen reminded me that I have a cousin down here. I mean, she is my Mum's Aunts cousins daughter but she is still family!!! I had previously met her once when she visited from Griffith when we were about 10, but nonetheless we are family. That counts :) So I let her know I was moving down, and we organised to catch up. Since I still have hardly any idea of where I am or what tram to catch, she was lovely enough to come to Richmond so we could go to Touchwood and I could order the Danish Smørrebrød I had noticed on their menu when I ordered coffee.

And they spelt it right!

I waited for Alex at the train station, with a memory of a 10 year old with much cooler hair than me all I really had to go off. Waiting at the almost desserted train station, this chick with the most incredible cool hair walks down with a studded leather jacket and a "I am amazing and you should want to be friends with me" air. Which I did. It was incredible how I had met her once but instantly felt so comfortable around her! Perhaps she reminded me of my other amazing Melbourne cousin Jess who is so sure of herself that she doesn't need to do anything to impress anyone, and as such, ends up impressing everyone! We headed to Touchwood and, like true Italian cousins, talked and talked and talked. Like we hadn't basically just met for the first time! Lucky for me, Alex lives nearby (and can cook!). A part of me feels like I have cheated on this "difficult, angsty life move". Yes I packed up my life and moved almost 2000km away with no job or house, but in 2 days, I have made a bunch of potentially good friends, pretty much found a house, and can now work out where north is! We had a delicious lunch (she got waffles but I stuck to my other roots and got the smørrebrød with laks, celeriac remoulade and radish on really really dark rye.... mmmm mmm mmm). Alex welcomed me to Melbourne by shouting lunch and said that when I got a job, I could shout her. She gave me some great advice on applying for jobs and how to go about it, and I left feeling really motivated!

I have totally got this.

I got home, jumped under the covers (IT IS SO COLD!) and instantly started shooting off my resume left right and centre. A comment Alex made about "if they have their address or phone number, go in or give them a call" came to mind when a pub/hotel job came up. It was about a month old, but I thought I would try my luck. I rang the number and a lovely guy answered. We had a bit of a bitch and moan about the state of hospitality workers and after a lot of laughing and complaining, he offered me a trial. Without even having read my resume. Yay! He even made a joke when he left a voicemail on my phone later. I think this could be fun.

After organising all that, I had another room appointment with a guy named Andy. We met for $4 sushi (by which he meant 3 for $4 of the days dry leftovers) and I was a little concerned. I am not really a fan of cheap fish or old rice. We chatted about everything but the house and I found out that he has seen more of Australia than me, his mum write recipes for Jamie Oliver and he does improve comedy as well as being a champion ... dancer... of some sort. When I asked what it was (some sort of jive I believe?) he pulled me down a dark alley way (clearly you're warning system for slightly crazy have malfunctioned Renee!) and we danced. Ha ha! 

Anyways, Mum I am alive, I was not attacked or robbed in the alleyway, and Jess and I are now off to a second hand furniture store to buy furniture for the HOUSE I just got accepted into in Brunswick. Yay!

Who feels like they are just faking knowing how to live life right now?....... me!

A rainbow, super moon and half a wombat

... Just some of the the things that I had the pleasure of seeing on the second leg of my Gold Coast to Melbourne trip!

I had the pleasure of staying with my delightful cousin Judith, her partner and  their three incredible kids. Who were apparently excited that I was coming to visit, even though they had no idea who I was. "She is family" - that is probably the only way a kid is going to register their relation to their Mum's Aunts Daughters daughter :) "Family will do".

 I didn't fit the kitchen sink but I fit the kitchen's water filter.

Staying with Jude was great fun! And also a great reinforcement as to why I will, like Jude, wait until at least 30 to have kids! That way I can have adventures like this one. After going crazy on my way down, I cannot imagine how much harder those 800km would have been with 3 kids in the back! Well, they would have had to sit on the roof in this instance! I was so grateful to hang out with CJ (the only one crazy enough to be up this morning to have breakfast with me before I left!), India and Tammy. The last time I saw these brilliant children was a few days after Tammy was born - and now she is an 18month old, gorgeously ginger Dragon. She danced more last night than girls do in clubs!

 Being a Dietitian has its perks. I can eat a bacon egg and cheese muffin and convince myself its "good for me" as protein won't make me sleepy like carbs do for the roadtrip!

I had intended on leaving by about 6.30am to avoid "soccer mum" traffic, but it was way too cold. And then I realised I am moving to Melbourne. Get used to it Renee! It took a good hour to get out of Sydney even though the traffic was mild and then it was pretty smooth sailing. Especially compared to yesterday!!!

 20km out from my great-grandmothers house I go from 110km/hr to nothing. Turns out a semi had decided that it was bored on its side of the road and drove over the OPPOSITE bank and laid down for a rest. On its side. I said a little prayer as I passed!

 Slightly ironic that Lisa's playlist "Fireman's panties" was playing as I passed the local fire and rescue crew only 10km from the semi incident.

Today there was a lot more nothing. Like significantly more. It was a little depressing when I checked the GPS and it said "turn left in 550km". Well....! My phone charger broke... in my hands... while driving. So all my great photos will need to go onto the next blog as my phone is as dead as the wombat I saw on the road! And I believe there are some videos of me singing whatever happened to be on my iPod with the facial expressions that can only come with being delusional. Driving yesterday for 800km was not too bad - there were things along the way to look at, there were regular towns to drive through, there were winding roads and plenty of photo ops. Today - there was highway. And sheep. I have no clue how the truckies do it (well, I do have a clue but I like to think that they don't all succumb to artifical stimulation). I have always thought that I would do OK if I ever ended up in solitary - or if I lived in a cave by myself, but by the end of it I was sending snapchats of me delusional and singing to the delightful Dom in Adelaide because I knew at least she knew what I was going through, having driven alone from Adelaide to Brisbane last year. Lovely Lisa Allen created a bunch of mixtapes (who needs a highschool boyfriend when you have lifelong friends!) and I absolutely relished every song she chose out for me. Particularly the hilarious "if I didn't have you" by Tim Minchin, back to back MJ and a rap song about a guy who has breakfast in the afternoon at a cafe even though the toast is always soggy. 

 A part of me, I admit, did toy with the idea of "what would happen if I just turned around". Especially because with no one else to talk to, and nothing to distract me, I was left with just my thoughts. But then of course my logical part of my head (as well as my heart!) reminded  me that considering the distance I had covered, it would LITERALLY be harder to go back to the past than continue into my unknown future. ..... So I kept putting one foot in front of the other (well, in this case, one rotation of the tyre) and kept moving forward. It is easier to be brave when you have no other option!!!

For certain, the music was the only thing keeping me sane on this trip.

Strawberry fields forever...

Well, mostly. By the end of the trip, I was having conversations with my iPod (that is only slightly less sad than moving my rear vision mirror to reflect myself so I felt like I had company). Turns out my iPod is either a great friend who lies to make me feel better or psychic. Our convo went a little something like this as we were driving into Melbourne:

Me: So "Tiki's iPod" - how do you think I will feel living in Melbourne?

iPod: "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.

Me: Touche. Well that is a comforting thought. What do you think will happen in my first year of being in Melbourne?

iPod: "She will be loved" by Maroon 5.

Me: Ha! Well I am OK with that. Thanks for the confidence boost - especially since you know that would be the icing on the cake (the cake being an awesome life and career, of course). What if I freak out though? A part of me almost wants to turn back. I am a little nervous. Am I being silly?

iPod: "Dare to Live" by Andrea Bocelli.

Me: Nope. You are right. This is an adventure - and I kick ass when I am in a new environment overseas. It should be even easier since I know the customs and language! Thanks iPod!

But after being on the road for 12 hours, and having been made an espresso martini by Jess, I am ready for bed!