Serendipitous Scenario's and Philly's.

Ugh-gah.... blaaaaaaah! That is about how I feel right now. In the best possible way. It seems that words are really not quite enough to explain how I feel right now. And that is great. Words put limits on things - and can diminish the feelings and situations to be no more than a few letters strung together.

But they are also the only way that I know to communicate where I am at, so I will attempt to use them to my best advantage here in explaining my last 24 hours.

What a day.

I write this post while listening to the dear Sara Bareilles. Life makes me laugh. Truly. It was with my first (re)introduction to Sara Bareillles by the sweetest, most emapthetic friend I could have that this whole adventure began. "King of Anything" spurred my "well screw you" desire to let go of a particular boy (not a man....) and make some changes in  my life. It was "Brave" that got me on the road to my "what am I doing with my life?" harvest trail. It was "Gonna Get Over You" that made me realise that the future was rivetting and exciting and that I could totally take on what life threw at me, and it was "Many The Miles" that made me realise that my newly found incredible cousin Alex was not only insanely talented, but too similar to me to ever let out of my sites!

I am doing my best Sara.

So bear with my narrative while I inextricably get distracted by amazing music. My day. That's where I was at. So if you don't know, I am working at a wonderful cafe in Northcote that, although not as financially lucrative as my job as a clinical Dietitian, is exactly where I want to be right now (except for right now, where I am happily wrapped up in my dressing gown with a cup of tea). The staff are lovely, I have huge respect and admiration for my boss's (and will learn a lot from them) and get free meals. Like this.

Dukkah encrusted poached egg on a bed of red cabbage and watercress, with a bucket of avocado on pita bread. And feta!

I am a very sociable person (although that doesn't need stating if you know me) and so thrive in the hospitality environment. Unless I have idiot customers, in which case my facial muscles can produce a vicious glare. You don't want to see one of these. But if the wind changes, it might just happen permanently. I had a hectic day yesterday, made worse by the fact that after my full day at work, I was to race to the tram in the city and help out with a catering function for my work. By about 2pm it had slowed down, and I could breathe easy for a while. I noticed a customer in the corner with a bunch of paper work around her and her coffee and asked how she was going. She didn't need another coffee, so I asked what she was working on. She mentioned that she works in media and communications for a group that works on advocacy for women's rights, violence against women and children, and other things that made me think "this sounds like my roomie". I said "wow that must be really interesting (and hard) work. How ironic though, that I asked you about your work when one of the 4 people I know in Melbourne is in that line of work with her own start-up that focuses on advocacy of those issues".

She asked for the name of the start-up and almost fell off her chair when I told her. Turns out she has a meeting next week with one of Renee's board members (yes I am egotistical enough to have moved into a house with a girl with the same name) because she wants to be involved in the group. She proceeded to verbalise a bunch of her achievements and what she has done and why she wants to be involved in Renee's start up and I haven't got a card but here is my email and phone number and (basically) references. I couldn't stop laughing. Out of all the customers that had come through, this is the one that I could actually help in more ways than just offering a delicious beverage. I sent Renee a message when I finished, and laughed at the serendipitous moment of the day. This woman had just moved out from the UK and starts a new job on Monday, and therefore won't have time for late afternoon coffees in random suburbs that aren't near her house. I mean.... seriously.

But that was just the first serendipitous moment of the day. I was quite tired yesterday, as I had received an email earlier the day before from a boy which resulted in a very random and enjoyable phone call. Let me preface this. My first social gathering with my new room mates was over an episode of Offspring. Prior to moving in, I was invited to a night at theirs to watch the show. When I arrived, Renee and an ex-housemate were lamenting over the quality of guys on online dating and the dramas associated with actually getting anything out of it. After moving in, this issue seemed to still exist and Renee and I would have many interesting conversations about this. So I decided to sign up. Within 3 days I had had enough. Although I had one successful date, it wasn't for me. So I sent some obligatory responses to messages that I had received, saying that I wasn't interested at the time, but for the guys who were reasonably nice, I provided my email address in case they wanted to get to know me further (although I wasn't holding my breath). Sure enough, a week later, I heard from a guy I will call Blake. Blake is from Pennsylvania (although initially Texas) and has just moved down from Brisbane 2 weeks ago for a very random job opportunity that saw him apply for the job, and move his life to Melbourne in a 4 day period. I do like my nomads. 

He lived in Brisbane for 2 years and thought that he would connect with someone else who could reminisce on all things that Brisbane does better than Melbourne (not much.... at this stage - bar the weather). Anyways, he proceeded to ask me a bunch of questions regarding to what was on my profile and a bunch of other things. It was a great first email. There has only ever been one other guy who took the effort to send me a long email (since I refused to give him my number) and we are still in contact after a number of years. It was boding well. I looked at the email and thought "this will take a while to reply" (especially since my laptop keys for i and k aren't working!) so I made the spontaneous decision to call. His number had been on the bottom of the email as a signature, so I used it :) I didn't get an answer and thought "meh - I've got plenty of things to do" so went back to my conversation with Renee and having dinner. I didn't think much of it, until I got a "hey I have a missed call from you, who is this?". When I texted back that it was mwuah, he called back. We proceeded to chat for almost an hour, at which point we both realised we had big next days, so had to cut it short. He just wanted to tell me that he was going to the states for his brother's wedding, and so perhaps we could email until he got back in a fortnight, and we could go from there. Sure. No worries.

At work yesterday while having lunch, I recalled our conversation where nearly half of it was spent talking about food. No joke. I told him we had to change topic since I had already had dinner and now was super hungry! So I sent him a picture of my lunch. Cliche and really really lame, but the chefs had done a great job and I knew he would appreciate it. I went back to work and upon finishing, found "5 new messages" (well, 7, but two were from others). He had apparently just finished his lunch, so sent me a picture of the empty bowl and told me all about what he had eaten :) My kind of man. I thought it was kind of cute and giggled on my way to the function I was helping with. After serving a bunch of "Dumb Way to Die" Metro workers, I got a lift back with my new boss to my place. I had some delicious risotto that Renee had cooked, and was totally satisfied, as I had also had a salmon sandwich from work. Woot woo food! Renee and I were chatting about a guy who she had been keen on, on the online dating site, and I proceeded to reinforce that her campaigning skills were not at question here because she had failed to "promote herself well enough". I said it was the guy. He was clearly a jerk. I mean really, who emails back and forth and then just stops. You don't have to reply to someone who sends you one message to say you aren't interested. But if you have made contact on more than one occasion, you at least say "hey, thanks but I realise I am not interested". Psychologically much easier to deal with than BLANK. Grr. So I wanted to prove to myself that there were still good guys out there, and that if it was meant to be, it would be. So I texted Blake asking if he was free for a spontaneous late night adventure.

He didn't answer.

Previous me may have got upset, or reflected on "why isn't he interested" but I have (finally!) moved past that. I got back to my conversation with Renee and we chatted about feminism and politics and all things grown up. And then he replied. He was flying out to the states the next morning at 6am, and despite it now being 9pm, was happy to catch up. He had been out on a run and only just got the message. Now, I am all about making real first impressions - not being covered head to toe in "defence mechanisms" like fancy clothes or make up, but my current attire probably was not best suited to make a lasting impression (think scraggly hair after taking out my tight work appropriate bun, tracky pants and mismatched socks - although I kept that quirk when getting re-dressed!). Lucky for me, said boy needed a shower too so I had time to get changed. In Brisbane, I would be able to think of a bunch of random last minute date ideas, but I am lost in Melbourne. So I sent S.O.S messages to my 2 favourite Melbournites. Both came up with brilliant ideas, but both involved him taking a train for an hour, or me having to drink and drive. So I suggested to Blake that perhaps I could just drive to his (strategic move - this way I could avoid the awkward first meeting in a bar where you think "hey, are you so and so"?) plus I had an out. We decided to go for a random road trip and just see what we came across.

So, I took the 'quick' trip to South Yarra - the complete opposite side to Melbourne, but at least close to the incredible Jess's Richmond, so I had some sort of idea where I was. Despite now being 10.15pm, there was still a bunch of traffic around (really??!!?!?) but I got there in about 20 minutes. Blakes place is in a bunch of apartments, and quite sweetly, he was waiting for me in the common foyer area so I didn't have to awkwardly call and be like "which one is yours". He gave me a brief tour of his "house" (I use the term loosely, as the bedroom, living room, kitchen and dining room are all in one. The only room with a seperate door is the bathroom) as we had discussed his "kitchen dilemma" which he wasn't underselling. He only has 2 hot plates and a convection oven!

We went to my car, and he reflected on what my Yaris said about my personality (quirky and efficient I think!) and we started driving. He was a little distracted in talking to me, so we ended up going the complete opposite direction to where we had intended, but stumbled upon Chapel St which I at least recognised as Jess had brought me there on one of our previous adventures. Jess is awesome. But we all know this. Luckily parking was not an issue, and we went for a walk. We stumbled across a vodka bar, which coincidentally, despite not knowing where he was, Blake had been to on a previous trip. So we went in. Being the responsible person that I am, I explained to the waitress that I had one drink to enjoy, and could she help me make my decision out of the 8 pages of vodkas. She did, and it was amazing. Blake sipped on an honey/oakey vodka (had won a bunch of awards and apparently was one of those brands where the staff look at you like "you don't know who that is?" but meh) and we got to know each other. A few hours later (last drinks - which I wouldn't do) and we thought it was time for coffee. Neither of us, again, knew where we were or where to go, so we went for a walk in the opposite direction. We saw an open bar, and despite it not looking like they had coffee, Blake went in anyway to ask if they could recommend something. Now this is where my life is hilarious. I know 3 people in Melbourne. And 2 are family members. One of which lives in a house with 3 others. Out of all the bars, and all the nights, and all the people, the person that Blake went to ask for information from, was from Jess's roomie - who I had lived with for my first week in Melbourne. Seriously. I thought this stuff could only happen in Murwillumbah, or perhaps even Brisbane. But seriously?!?!?!?!

Anyways, we wandered a little but realised it was freezing cold and now 1am. So we drove back to his place as he at least had peppermint tea. One of the first things that Blake had said to me was "do you have allergies" as I apparently sounded nasally (I think I have eaten too much cheese this week) so when we walked into his place, this was my replacement for flowers:

Thanks for the subtle "you sound like Fran Drescher" hint.

Lol. Seriously.

So we sat down and made some peppermint tea and just chatted. I wasn't trying to impress him, I didn't feel self conscious about whether or not he liked me or "is my hair sitting right". I was secure in my own self that I didn't need his validation or approval, and it felt good. This led us to have much more in depth discussions about life and goals (despite his current occupation as a mechanical engineer - his goal is to open his own coffee shop/roastery - at which point I was internally like SHUT UP!!!)

He is in his early thirties, and has a plan for his life, and is not afraid to achieve it. I found this quite refreshing as I have only ever dated guys my age. I actually felt like I could have an adult conversation (whatever that is). Anyways, we were discussing how we both had bad backs (and I discovered he does yoga.... tick). He mentioned how as a kid his Dad had taught him how to massage people under the pretense of "this is how you get girls" but he secretly thought that it was his way of getting a free massage each day! So he said that if I could get rid of his knots he would be happy to return the favour. Now Mum. Or Rachelle. Or whichever one of you are starting to blush - I am a grown woman who has boundaries. It was platonic and purely non-sexual. I also had a really stubborn shoulder knot which I was desperate to have removed. So I gave him a massage. I have been told before by friends that I am ok, so laughed a little when he was surprised that I knew what I was doing. We chatted a bit more and then when I had had enough we swapped. I am so grateful I went first, because when he started massaging me over my (luckily silk) shirt, I just wanted to never get up! Girls... THIS ONE CAN MASSAGE RIGHT!!!!! The pressure was perfect and my back cracked in a thousand (good) places and the knots were removed! Huzzah! He finished up and said "this is probably a good place to finish the night" and when I realised it was 2am, and he had to leave for the airport at 3am (!!!!!) I agreed. He walked me to my car, and gave me a hug goodnight, and said that we should definitely catch up when he got back, as he liked girls who were game (or naive???) enough to have spontaneous late night adventures with strangers hours before they had to leave the country. Some (like my blessed Aunty Gem) may die of fright on behalf of me, but my intuition (and basic hapkido moves) mean that I trust myself to handle (or avoid) potentially negative situations. And hey - it makes a fun life story?

So I drove home listening to Lisa's epic roadtrip soundtrack which I had put in while driving to my date and reflected on how all the fears I faced by moving to Melbourne had disappeared and revealed a life that I can't stop laughing about, and being grateful for.

I am just so happy. I say this not to be narcissistic or to make you feel that "my life is better than yours". That is not the case. I write this because 1. I have a family history for memory loss and want to keep these fun memories on hand, 2. I would spend an entire day calling all the people I care about to fill them in on what I am up to and 3. I want to remind all of you reading this, that happiness is absolutely possible. I am a living, breathing example that it doesn't take the highest paying job, it can't involve staying in your comfort zone, and it doesn't require someone else making your tough life decisions for you. I am an example of the fact that it is OK to fail. It is OK to take chances. It is OK to take a job which you find out later, sucks. Because you can just quit. And find a better one. It is important to just make a decision - right or wrong, and deal with the consequences later - whether it be realising that you lost a job that you actually liked, you broke up with the wrong person and should have worked harder, you moved to a town that was too hard to live in, or, went on a date with a random who turned out to be a flop. It is better to live and make a few "mistakes" (which really, is impossible, the only mistake is not making it or not learning from it) than sit in the candy store for five years, holding a $5 note and not picking a piece of candy in case you pick the wrong one. Which is what I did. But now, I grabbed a candy and hoped for the best. And turns out, that it was pretty damn delicious. But you know what? Even if it had been a really crappy lolly, I can go out, earn some more money, and try something different.

Who would have thought?

The Story of How I was Assigned a F**k Buddy (but said "ahhhh...no").

Looking back over the past few weeks, it is incredible to realise how quickly and easily things have fallen into place to me. This way of life is, luckily, not something that is abnormal to me. When I find myself in the flow of life without constantly trying to dig my heels into the ground, things usually flow easily (and fast).

Take this journey to Melbourne. The opportunity came up to go on a harvest trail. Previously I had turned the idea down as it would be "logistically too hard". This time however, I thought "why not?" and proceeded to do one thing at a time to make it happen. Yes it was complicated and there were a lot of things to consider: rent/petrol/change of address/phone reception/letters of resignation/potential career pitfalls/organising 'life' but I did them. One at a time - the only way that one CAN (although previously I would try and do 100 things at once and just give up, instead of doing 1 thing independently 100 times). I went with the "flow". I had no idea where I was going, but organised one place at a time. And when I got to Melbourne, I again had that little niggling voice saying "this is where you belong" and trusted it. Logically I could have very easily suppressed that voice, and drowned it in the "but what about...." or "how will I..." thoughts. I heard the little girl saying "this is what I want to do" and listened instead of putting the adult thoughts of "but I should...." on top. And it worked. I got here, and within a day had a house (although I put that off for a week because 'surely it can't be that easy') and found a job (which in hindsight was crap but it was something) and got a Myki card. Yay trams!

The one thing that has not fallen into my lap is a relationship. I have already made a solid group of friends and family who I can depend on, and for that I am so grateful. I came down here really only knowing 2 people (one of which has not been here since I moved as she was overseas) and am so grateful for the ease at which I feel like I have a support network already. But boys have alluded me, and for that I am actually really GRATEFUL. For the first time really ever, my life is incredibly full. I am not trying to "fill my life" so that I can trick the universe into thinking that I am now ready for a relationship. I am not even actively seeking it. Which is very unlike me! Of course I miss having hugs, but I have realised I don't need a "relationship" for that. Yesterday I went into Renee's room and asked for a hug and surprise surprise, she gave me one. So that problem is solved. Plus my new cousin Alex gives the best intense little person hugs (like the ones I used to get from Aunty Genia... something about cuddling someone of that height is just incredibly comforting!!!). So it is with great amusement (and laughter) that I relay the following story.

My delightful room mate Renee (side note... A guy came to deliver a parcel to our house for Renee and when I opened the door he said "hey Renee!" and I temporarily thought "HOW DO YOU KNOW ME!?!?!" and then realised.... Ha!) has had some interesting encounters on online dating. We have had quite a few conversations about this, and how to interact with guys. One in particular had caught her fancy, but she wasn't sure how to turn the banter into an actual meeting, and if she even should. So I took it on myself to "write a good life story" and sign up.

I admit that about 2 years ago, coming out of a long term relationship, I had signed up. Looking back, I can probably say that I just wanted to feel 'seen' and attractive after feeling neglected and used for so long. This type of interaction was safe, and ego boosting. But in this instance, I was not looking for anything like that. I had actually, that afternoon, exclaimed to Renee that I missed "going on dates" and the thrill of meeting a new person, getting dressed up, and trying somewhere new. So it was quite ironic that I did end up going on a "coffee date" that night! But more on that later.

I set up my profile, and realised that it was really not necessary, as I have, over my time in hospitality, picked up the ability to walk up to a random person and start a conversation which can lead to a coffee/movie/market date. But I needed to prove to Renee what was possible (and to be completely honest, wanted to see "how far I had come" in terms of needing to prove myself to others). I received quite a few messages, and filtered out anything with less than 3 words (yes, that is an actual feature on these website!) and heard from a nice actor called Tim who sparked an interesting discussion about "truth" that I had mentioned on my page. While sending messages back and forth with him, (and politely working out how to reject other people who, although surely sweet, were not my type) I received the most laughter inducing message I had received, well, ever.

I laughed so hard that my roomie had to ask what was going on.... from the other room. I ended up reading it out to her, with many gasps and "nooooooo" coming from her. 

Sums up Renee's reaction. Doesn't help that Renee runs a strongly pro-feminism start up......

I would love to copy and paste the message, but it really is not blog appropriate. But in summary, this guy thought I was "obviously cute" and since coming out of a serious relationship, wanted 1 cool chickwhose "toy" he could be. He said that I seemed kind of cool and he would be "up for it" whenever I wanted, and that I could just tell him what to do (mind you, he did provide many examples of what those things could be should I accept). This went on for longer than the length of some of my scientific abstracts, and ended with "100%.. serious.. just between us.. you have full control.. please dont get mad or yell at me.. i liked you, and just thought I'd see if you were interested at all.. if not.. thats totally fine".

 My reaction in gif format:

I will give him this - it was the loudest I had laughed since moving here. I appreciated his honesty at least. I contacted my "guide to life" Lisa and showed her the message. After the initial shock ("Do you think he is being serious?", I am pretty sure that this was how she reacted:

But her literal response was better:

"That's hilarious because it sounds like your life is playing out like a weird TV show.And everyone gets a personal f**k buddy just openly approach[ing] you when you move to Melbourne".

So there you have it. My life is a joke. A hilarious sitcom. And I love it that way. I am not taking myself too seriously, and worrying as much about "where I am going". I am focusing more on "where I am now" and it seems to be paying off.

So I ended up going to Brunetti's. Renee thought it was hilarious that I had never heard of this place because "its not just Melbourne, but internationally famous". Regardless, I made the spontaneous decision to meet Tim there at 9 for coffee (and this delectable semi-freddo which came in a bucket I could keep!!!). 

It was nice. He was a lovely person to talk to, and we had some very serious conversations about acknowledging our truth and bringing down barriers. It was refreshing finding that I felt no need to impress him, or rattle off all of my accolades. It was refreshing to find that I had finally arrived at a point in my life where I did not need to do the whole "look at me look at me - I am worthwhile!!!" thing. It also made me realise that I really needed to cancel the site. Although he was lovely, and most certainly a good companion for random "exploring Melbourne" outings, I am really enjoying my own company and kind of want to keep it that way. I like being able to go somewhere by myself and just take it all in. Without having to be distracted by someone else, or convince them I am interesting and lovable.

Renee did think it was hilarious about how quick I could turn a random message on a site into a date, and acknowledged that "I won at online dating". But that isn't really the goal is it. It isn't to attract the most people, or get the most people thinking about you. It is to find yourself and your own company attractive, and not need anyone else's opinion of you dictate how you feel about yourself.

So tonight, I am going to hang out with my three favourite girls in Melbourne, while watching Offspring, eating chocolate and relishing in the life that I have created myself. It may not be what I thought happiness would look like when I was a kid (dinner in a fancy restaurant overseas with my intelligent, handsome husband  while we discuss how many holiday houses in Europe we want to own), but with many more years and experiences under my belt, I realise that what I have right now - a group of wonderful friends, a personality that I am proud of, a job that I love, and a simple existence, is really all one needs to be truly happy.